My Fatal Flaw
by Danshique
Summary: I was reading Ephram Brown's essay on the WB website, and started on writing this story. About people who don't really fit in. COMPLETE.
1. Default Chapter

I guess when you really look hard enough, you'll be able to see that life isn't all about success and fame. Or popularity.   
  
But maybe I'm just saying this because I'm none of those things.  
  
Who am I kidding? Whether or not life is about success, fame or popularity, they're all still important. I say this because it's true. I say this because I see Amy.  
  
Amy Abbott. You don't know her? Come on, I'm sure you do. She's your typical popular girl; perfect blonde hair, perfect skin, perfect life. There's an Amy Abbott in every single one of our lives. But maybe I'm being judgemental. Maybe her life isn't perfect. But I only know what I can see.  
  
Sigh. I'm being such a sour grape. I don't hate Amy at all. I really don't. It's just that I wish he'd look at me the way he looks at her. The way that she takes for granted.  
  
By 'he' I mean Ephram Brown. I don't know what it was about him that caught me at first. Actually, he didn't catch my attention at all in the beginning; I was too work-oriented to notice such things as boys. What with my scholarship programme needing me to perform "With Excellence" and all, I didn't have much time to, you know, just relax and basically be a teenager. The thought of being stuck in tiny little Everwood and living the life of my parents makes me itch with claustrophobia. No way. After finishing up in this small town, I'm going to college in the city, which is what this whole scholarship thing is about in the first place.  
  
Anyway, what first caught my attention about him was his essay. Being the geek that I am, the teachers had automatically appointed me as Teacher's Pet. But not just one. ALL of them. I didn't ask for it, but seeing that my social life couldn't get worse than it already was, I didn't protest or rebel or anything of the sort. No, I had bigger dreams.  
  
So I was collecting everyone's English essays as usual when the bell rang signaling that class was over. To my dismay, the teacher Mrs Hemingway dismissed the class even though I hadn't finished collecting, leaving me to pick up the essays they'd conveniently left on their desks. Well, perhaps that wasn't so bad, because I was able to go around collecting their papers with ease instead of feeling like a sore thumb moving around everyone's desks.  
  
"Take your time Hana," Mrs Hemingway had said packing up her things, smiling as if she knew that I'd be happier doing this during my break time than actually going to the cafeteria where an empty table awaited me. Just as I arrived at Ephram's table though, a breeze came in through the window and blew his essay to the floor. I bent down to pick it up, and the heading caught me.  
  
"My Fatal Flaw, by Ephram Brown".  
  
Just that. My curiousity was piqued instantly. I knew Ephram Brown alright. He was the New Kid. The one no one bothered about just because he was. I guess that's the way of all schools right? It's like this unwritten Social Etiquette. Everyone's got their own cliques, formed their own identities in whatever superficial foothold they've established for themselves, and they don't feel like making themselves vulnerable by taking in a potentially very uncool kid into their groups. Well too bad for Ephram Brown. But I'd had to go through by myself for much longer. And not because I was the New Kid. Nah. I was just plain Uncool.  
  
I don't know what possessed me to begin reading his essay, but I did, right there and then as I stooped over on the floor:  
  
"My Fatal Flaw, by Ephram Brown  
  
The more things change, the more they stay the same. I'm not sure who the first person was who said that. Probably Shakespeare. Or maybe Sting. But at the moment, it's the sentence that best explains my tragic flaw: my inability to change.   
  
I don't think I'm alone in this. The more I get to know other people, the more I realize it's kind of everyone's flaw. Staying exactly the same for as long as possible, standing perfectly still... It feels safer somehow. And if you are suffering, at least the pain is familiar. Because if you took that leap of faith, went outside the box, did something unexpected... Who knows what other pain might be out there, waiting for you. Chances are it could be even worse.   
  
So you maintain the status quo. Choose the road already traveled and it doesn't seem that bad. Not as far as flaws go. You're not a drug addict. You're not killing anyone... Except maybe yourself a little.   
  
When we finally do change, I don't think it happens like an earthquake or an explosion, where all of a sudden we're like this different person. I think it's smaller than that. The kind of thing most people wouldn't even notice unless they looked at us really close. Which, thank God, they never do.   
  
But you notice it. Inside you that change feels like a world of difference. And you hope this is it. This is the person you get to be forever... that you'll never have to change again."  
  
I didn't get up again until I heard Mrs Hemingway call.  
  
"You alright dear?"  
  
"Oh...Y-yes Mrs Hemingway...I just dropped something. I've got it," I said as I picked myself up. I started thinking. What he'd said about not killing anyone but yourself. That hit a chord somewhere. Maybe that's what I'd been doing all along, this whole 'All Work and No Play' bit that I'd salvaged for myself. I hadn't had any friends for a long time. Well, I did have some childhood friends, but we'd all strayed apart since high school started; separated into our Cool and Uncool groups. That hadn't bothered me before. Should it?  
  
"And if you're suffering, at least the pain is familiar..."  
  
I didn't want to think about it anymore. 


	2. Auditorium

That night, and for many nights after, I couldn't get his words out of my head. I couldn't sleep. I couldn't help thinking about how long it had been since I'd received a phonecall from someone who wasn't a teacher. But I was adamant even then. It was only an essay after all. Why should it affect me so? 

        And so I blame lack of sleep for my situation right now. I'm all alone in the auditorium, in the dark, crying for some reason that I'm not even sure about. Damn Ephram. And he doesn't even know I exist. This morning I'd seen him making goo-goo eyes at Amy as usual. How can he not know that she's using him? Everyone knows the only reason she's trying to get close to him is because she knows his father's The Great Doctor Brown. Can't he see that she only wants his father to save her dear boyfriend?

        I've been wrong about one thing though. Amy's life isn't perfect. I've been ignorant. How else can I explain my cluelessness about her boyfriend Colin's accident? But I guess I should have noticed how she rushes out of class like a whirlwind the moment the bell rings signaling that school's over for the day. She's been visiting him almost religiously since he's been hospitalised, since Fourth of July. I guess I've been so busy ignoring the rest of the world that I hadn't picked up on the talk.

        But that only makes me feel worse, knowing that Amy is human, just like I am. It makes me feel like liking her or trying to get to know her better and there's no reason I should feel these things because in the end, she still has Ephram and I don't. I'm being selfish aren't I? It's horrible.

        I don't know what exactly started my tears pouring. I think it was the combination of several things at once. First of all, I'd been called out during class. Usually when that happens, the teacher wants me to help her or him with something. But this time, it was different. Mr Peters' eyes showed disappointment.

* * *

        I gulped as I awaited for terrible words to escape from his lips. But instead, his face changed to one of concern.

        "Hana, are you having any problems?" That was the last thing I'd expected for him to say. I fidgeted uncomfortably as I stood in front of him.

        "No," I mumbled. I knew what this was all about.

        "Well...you've never had any problems with your schoolwork before. If you need any help, you know you can come to me or any of your other teachers," he said kindly. I guiltily thought that they would be the LAST people I'd ever turn to for help. It wasn't as if they _could_ help me anyway.

        Besides, it would be crazy to confess to the teachers that the reason my work had been slipping lately was because I couldn't get Ephram out of my mind. I wished that I'd never read his essay. I wished that I hadn't begun looking at him differently. I wished that I'd never started noticing the way his brows creased whenever he was thinking really hard or how green his eyes were or the intense, faraway look he'd get on his face whenever he looked at Amy as she sat oblivious to him. Ephram was all of the many reasons to get distracted from schoolwork.

        "Hana? You sure there's nothing you'd like to tell me? We can talk after class if you don't feel comfortable telling me now," Mr Peters was saying. I looked up at his kind, old face wrinkled like the bark of a tree and thought how much he reminded me of my grandfather. I shook my head.

        "No, I'm fine Mr Peters. I'll pull my grades up. I've just lately".

        "Okay...but don't work yourself too hard either," Mr Peters advised. I nodded again and forced a smile at him just as the bell rang. Metal scraped against concrete as the class began to get up from their desks. I got back to my desk to pack up my things, and joined the flow of students leaving the classroom as Mr Peters dismissed us although we'd already begun dismissing ourselves.

        I swallowed and walked unnoticed back to the hallways. I couldn't help feeling disappointed in myself. For such a long time I'd had a vision of how I would go through all of this. I would graduate with honours, win my scholarship, go to college in the city and the rest would be history. And yet...what was I doing now? Slipping in my work, daydreaming...all for someone who didn't even know I existed. He was spoiling all of my plans, everything I'd built myself up for.

        Well screw that. I had to rip Ephram out of my system even if it was the last thing I did. Although I hoped that that would be soon, before I took my final exams. It was easier said than done.

        I let my feet direct me, not knowing where I was really going. I had a lot of tension to walk out. And what do you know...they led me right to his locker. Not that I'd know where his locker was if he hadn't been standing right there. With Amy. They were talking about something serious, and even then, idolisation shone for her in his eyes. I walked right past them, but it didn't matter because I was invisible anyway. And all of a sudden, I had this lump in my throat. It was ridiculous, but I really was beginning to cry. I began to run, as far away from the two as I could possibly get, ignoring the looks of other students.

        And in the end, I found myself standing in front of the empty auditorium doors. My eyes were blurry with tears. Wasn't that pathetic. I pushed against the doors gingerly, and surprisingly, they weren't locked.


	3. Showdown

Alright this one's a bit shorter...getting writer's block, AAAUUGGGHH!!!

* * *

        Alright so I'd been there for almost half an hour, sniffling in the dark, minding my own business, when all of a sudden the sound of a piano being played echoed throughout the auditorium. It was a beautiful, haunting melody; a little sad, actually. They say that when you're sad you listen to sad music. Well, I didn't know about that, but the tune ran deep into my soul at that moment. I stopped crying almost immediately, hugging my legs against my chest as I sat down on that auditorium floor, my back against the stage. I closed my eyes, laid back, and let the melodies wash over me.

        The thought of the possibility of the auditorium being haunted by piano-playing ghosts didn't even occur to me. I just needed a rest. Then, all too soon, the piece was over. I took a deep breath and opened my eyes again. Now I was dying to see who had been playing. Even if I couldn't exactly come out from the shadows and thank the person, I wanted to know who he or she was, just because.

        I poked my head out over the stage to take a peek. I knew that the piano was left on-stage for after-school piano lessons. But as far as I knew, there weren't any lessons today or there would be people in the auditorium. The piano was usually left there unless there was a concert of some sort coming up that required the stage.

        I didn't know whether to laugh or cry again when I saw the pianist. Of all people. Of course he'd be the one playing the piano.

        Ephram Brown.

        Just as I thought I was about to either shout out loud or spontaneously combust, Ephram started to talk. I froze. He must have seen me.

        "Mom...if you really are still talking to Dad, could you please tell him to get rid of this whacked-up idea of his and move us all back to New York? Cuz honestly, my life's only been getting more complicated here".

        Ephram was talking to himself. But before surprise could even register in me, he snorted sarcastically and gave a laugh.

        "And I thought Dad was crazy". I gulped. Was this my chance to say something? Would I finally talk to Ephram, the guy who had been on my mind for weeks now? But what would I be getting myself into? Ephram could never like me the way I liked him. His heart was only set for Amy.

        But perhaps...perhaps we could be friends.

        This was it. I was going to say something. Just then, I heard the auditorium doors swing open and light streamed into the auditorium from the outside. I ducked out of view.

        "Epram? Are you there? Someone said she saw you heading this way," I heard a familiar female voice call out. Amy. I sighed with resignation. Wasn't it always.

        "What're you doing here Amy? Don't you have to go visit Colin now?" I heard Ephram say sarcastically.

        "Ephram--" she started. "How did you come in? I didn't see you go through the doors".

        "I came in from backstage. Why are you here?" he said monotonously, acting disinterested. I could almost imagine him looking down at the piano keys as he talked. I saw Amy walk up to the stage and shrank myself back as small as I could into the shadows as she climbed up onto it.

        "I..I just wanted to say I was sorry. For ignoring you these past few days. For what I did in the school bus this morning. Please listen," Amy pleaded.

        "No..._I'm_ sorry alright?" I heard Ephram say with bitterness in his voice. "I'm sorry for the kiss. I was out of line.

        "You know what? Maybe we can't be friends. You know how I feel about you. And I know how you feel about me. So let's just leave it at that".

        I just listened to all this with breath abated, an unwilling audience in the darkness. Then I heard the ruffle of a backpack being picked up and a thump as Ephram jumped off the stage and pushed his way out of the auditorium doors without turning back.

        When I heard Amy sniffling, I knew that that was all I could take. I had to get out of here. And so, as silently as I could, I found the door that led to the backstage and made my way out the way Ephram had come in.


	4. Ignorance is bliss

I must be getting obssessive. But it's not like I'm doing anyone any harm. Maybe I'm just being an adoring fan of fine musical talent. _Hah_. 

        Every day after that, I'd head for the auditorium, that is, only if it was empty. Because then I knew Ephram might go there to play at the piano secretly, or so he thought. It was like an after-school ritual. Bell rings, I'd pack up, head to the auditorium to peek in, and if it was empty, I'd go in through the backstage doors just in case Ephram was already inside. Usually I was the one in first, though. Sometimes Ephram didn't even come in to play, but I didn't mind. The auditorium was like my own Secret Hiding Place. It was ours, actually. Just that he wasn't aware that I shared it with him sometimes. 

        Alright, so maybe you all think I'm turning a _wee_ bit crazy. But Ephram's the one who talks to himself. Yeah, he does. But I guess it's only because he thinks he's alone. Usually he's talking to his Mom. Sometimes even, I feel like he's talking to me. Then it'd take all I have not to reply with something, because I know he isn't really talking to me; he doesn't even know I exist. 

        Today Ephram came in earlier than I did. Amy came in the other day, and they talked and somewhat repaired their friendship. Those times I feel so terrible for being there, listening to them in the dark. But it's not my fault! If I had it my way, I wouldn't even _want_ to listen to the two of them talking. But I guess it's made me understand their relationship more, and now I have a certain respect for it that I guess I didn't have before. 

        Anyway, Ephram's playing a piece now. I've heard it before. I'm not terribly good at recognising pieces, but I think it's the Moonlight Sonata. My cousin played it before at a family gathering. I wonder why Ephram plays so many sad pieces. I guess it's because he only comes in here when he's feeling down. Wow. That's very often then. 

        I've created a sort of comfortable cubby-area for myself. I'm eating the sandwich that I'd packed for myself for lunch but didn't eat because I hadn't _gone_ for it.

        Yeap, you can tell what a routine this has become for me. 

        Actually, the lives of Ephram and me are quite similar. Just that Ephram's Dad decided to move their entire family from exciting, big New York City to tiny, stale Everwood. That's one part I don't get. 

        But when Ephram starts talking to his Mom, I know exactly how he feels. Exactly how he misses her. I used to talk to my own Mom like that too, after she died. She and Dad had lived in Everwood all their lives, and then a few years ago, Mom had died of Lymphoma, some cancer I hadn't even heard of until she'd contracted it. Ignorance is bliss, I guess. Anyway, I came across Mom's diary afterwards, and it was full of dreams of travel and adventure; things that she hadn't done. And she'd died. It was too late for her now. Right then, my heart had turned cold. I realised that death was unexpected. _Really_ realised. I didn't want to end up like my parents, like Mom. I was going to see the world. This scholarship was my ticket to bigger things, a bigger future. And I was sure as heck not going to blow it. 

        Maybe that's why I've brought some textbooks along to read?

* * *

           
        Hana was sitting cross-legged on the dusty, wooden floor of the auditorium, a sandwich in one hand and a tiny flashlight in another. Piles of books were strewn about her, and she was reading one particularly thick-looking one with the flashlight as she chewed, her hair hanging past her shoulders in two thick brown braids. 

        Not five feet from where she sat, Ephram was at the piano, lost in his own world. His fingers played over the keys with such familiarity that one would think that he would be able to play with his eyes closed. They were however, wide open, burning with an intensity for the music. 

        Even if Hana's flashlight had been brighter, he wouldn't have noticed it. 

        But then, something happened.


	5. Morticia Addams Just Because

Thanks for the reviews, people :)! I'm sorry about the terribly slow update but school's started and things have gotten really busy all of a sudden. I'll update more when I can! -Hugs-

* * *

The beautiful plonking of the piano.

        'Alright...and what happened after the UN intervened...'

        Ephram's green eyes.

        'And the troops were sent...'

        Ephram's green, _green_ eyes. AUUGGH...it was impossible to concentrate on the history of the World War when he was so close, playing such beautiful music. But I could try. Not that I hadn't been...for the past_ hour_. I let my pen drop in exasperation, and as if in impertinence, it rolled all the way underneath the auditorium seats.

        I held back a grumble and grudgingly crawled my way across the dusty floor.

* * *

        "AHH....AHH-CHOOO!!!"

        Ephram's fingers stopped in mid-piece. His heart had almost flown out of his chest. What on _Earth_ had that been? Hadn't he been alone in the auditorium?

        All of a sudden, without his music playing, silence hung over the room. The darkness of the auditorium that hadn't bothered him before suddenly seemed menacing, as if cloaking something he _really_ didn't wish to see...

        "Oh stop it, you wimp," Ephram thought. Swallowing his suddenly dry throat, he decided to get up and investigate.

* * *

        _Goddess. Nonono...what's he doing??? He's coming over!!! He's going to see me!!!_

_        Okay, everything's fine. You are cool. Calm. Cucumber._

_        Mythingsmythings!!! I have to pack up and leave right NOW before he sees me! Stupid dust!!_

* * *

        The floorboards of the stage creaked beneath his feet as Ephram slowly walked to its edge, peering to see. Ephram liked to think that he was a sensible person (especially when it came to ghostly stuff), but somehow the memories of the Urban Legends of the school that had been told to him about the auditorium nagged at the back of his mind at that moment.

        He was just about to jump off the stage when something stumbled out in front him from the edge of the shadows.

        It was a girl. A rather dishevelled-looking one, actually.

        Her arms were overflowing with books, a still-open bag hanging off the crook of one of her elbows, and her glasses hung askew on her nose. And was that a _sandwich_ between her teeth?

        Ephram wasn't exactly sure what to say. He wanted to crack a joke about thinking she had been a ghost but the expression on her face showed mortification. He realised that he'd seen her before. Of course...English class! She was the Teacher's Pet. What was she doing here?

* * *

        _Choke. What do I say? This is awful. Why's he just standing there?_

_        Say something! ANYTHING!_

       "I-I was just looking sorfomething---for something!" What was THAT?

       First you don't succeed, try and try again.

       "IjustdroppedmypenheretheotherdaysoIwasjustcomingintogetitbackandI'msorryifIdisturbed youoranythingbutI'vefounditnowsoit'sokayI'lljustbeleavingnow". Or not.

       I've made a complete fool out of myself. I don't think he understood a single word I said. I can't even bring myself to look at him. To my utmost horror, I feel a lump growing in my throat. I turn on my heel to make a quick exit but lo and behold, my clammy fingers lose their grip on my books. They thud dully onto the floor, one by one.

* * *

       I barely got a word in edgewise. Well, none, actually. She spluttered something about a pen as she stood in front of me. I _knew_ her name. Started with an 'H'.

       Heather? No.

       She spun around to leave but before I could stop her, books were tumbling all over from her arms onto the floor. I jumped off the stage to help her.

* * *

       Hana had finally thought of something remotely good about the situation she was in. The darkness. Because her face was _burning_. And welling tears were blurring her vision.

       It had to be just about the worst day of her life. She hadn't pictured talking to Ephram this way. This horrible, awful way. But nothing seemed to be going right these days. As her fingers scrambled frantically for her books, she became aware of another person bent down on the floor next to her, helping her along.

       Hana stared at Ephram in amazement as he slapped the last book on top of the small pile next to him.

       "There. That's the last one. I think," he said. He picked up the stack and looked at her. "This is a LOT of books," he said with a crooked half-smile.


	6. Walk Away

I'm sorry this is such a bloody short update, but I was starting to feel abit guilty and besides, if I don't update now, I don't know _when_ I'll ever. whistles Don't hate me.

* * *

There was Ephram Brown, the green-eyed boy, talking to her as if he knew her. And he hadn't laughed at her, or made some snide remark about her klutziness. For the second time that day, Hana found that she wasn't quite sure what to say.

        But he saved her from that.

        "You're from English class, aren't you? I'm sorry we never really got to talk much". He paused. "Actually..." he laughed apologetically and continued, "I'm not really sure about your name...is it Hana?"

        Hana was pleasantly surprised that he remembered. "Yes, it is," she smiled.

        "I'm Ephram," he said smiling back, his green eyes twinkling now. He was glad he hadn't guessed her name wrongly.

        "Yes, I know. You're Ephram," Hana laughed. All of a sudden, she felt comfortable. And so she stopped worrying about how she must have seemed like to him then. He made to hand the pile of books he'd helped her pick up to her, then frowned as he realized the load she was carrying.

        "You need help with that?" he asked.

        "No, no. I'm fine," Hana insisted as she picked herself up off the floor.

        "Well. That wasn't really a question". He nodded decisively. "Come on, I'll help you," he said smoothly as he got up, still holding the pile of books. He made his way over to the stage and put the books on top of it as he climbed onstage and got his bag. Then he jumped off, grabbed the books again, and made his way over to her. Hana just stared at him in disbelief.

        He was going to walk her home?

* * *

        It was the strangest thing, like a scene out of a dream. Hana still felt slightly disoriented at the surprising turn of the day's events, but she couldn't afford to linger on that thought for too long because Ephram was talking to her.

        Talking to her. Hana couldn't recall a time when she'd ever loved her books as much as she did right then.

        "So how many siblings have you got?" he was asking her as they walked down the street to where she lived.

        "I've got a younger sister and a younger brother," she replied. "You?"

        "Oh...just the one younger sister. She's a little fire ant".

        Hana laughed. "Fire ant??"

        "Yeah, well she's tough," Ephram smiled. Hana nodded. A tomboy. Cool.

        As they walked on, their conversation became less and less guarded, and soon they were talking and laughing like old friends. Hana couldn't believe what a nice person Ephram was. Not that she'd expected him to be a completely horrible person, but it was all just too...nice. Perfect.

        She felt a little stupid for thinking that he could ever hate her. Looking at him now, Hana didn't think that Ephram was capable of actually hating anyone on sight. She sighed inwardly at herself.

        "Oh hey, we're here," Hana said aloud, realizing. There was her old, rusty mailbox in the not-too-far distance. That was just too bad.

        They stopped in front of the mailbox, and Ephram turned around to face her. He cleared his throat awkwardly.

        "Listen, I'm glad we talked today. I never really got to know what you were like till now," he said and smiled slightly embarrassedly.

        "Thanks, I think," Hana laughed. There was a moment of silence as they stood in front of each other, just smiling. Then Ephram broke the spell.

        "Here are your books," he said, handing them over to her carefully. He made sure the pile was properly balanced in her arms before letting it go. Then, suddenly unsure of where to place his hands, he stuck them into his pockets.

        _And here the dream ends_, Hana thought.

        "Thanks for your help," she finally spoke up. "So...I guess I'll see you in school then?" she bit onto the inside of her lip. He seemed to be thinking about something.

        "Yeah," he suddenly said with a start, nodding. He smiled. "See you in school then," he shuffled his feet and turned around to head off. He walked a few paces, then suddenly turned his head around to face her again and waved before walking on.

        Hana stayed at the mailbox, looking at him walk away with the pile of books still in her arms until she couldn't see him anymore. Then he was gone.


	7. New Day

Lunchtime. The most harmless-seeming but crucial moment of an everyday teen's daily school life. The Popular are always seated at a packed table, usually made up of Beautiful Ones, while the Unpopular sometimes even sit alone.

        Guess which category I fall into.

        Well, at least I don't sit alone. No, I have a few people at my regular table, that is, when I actually DO come for lunch. Most times, I'd rather just starve to the bone.

        But today, I feel different. It's like a special energy-juice is running through my veins. I feel the need to SOCIALISE. It's weird. I think yesterday's encounter with Ephram has left me energized somehow.

        So here I am, seated at my lunch table, my packed lunch sitting atop the plastic-topped wood in front of me. Dolphin-safe tuna sandwich. I smile at the guy with the headphones on who sits regularly at this table and he nods back in acknowledgement. Or maybe he's head banging; I can't really tell. He's constantly in his own world.

        It's funny how I've never tried to talk to these people before. Not that they'd put in any more effort to talk to me either. Always seated at the side facing the vending machine on the left is a girl who dresses Goth-style regularly. She's got all the works: black lipstick, black eyeliner, pale face, nose-ring, combat boots, various other articles I can't really mention. Most times she just sits down and glares at people who walk by with either deep disdain or something equally menacing. Then she'd get up and walk towards the back of the school building, but not before fishing out a cigarette first, sometimes tucked somewhere into the side of one of her boots.

        She's got her own friends, but they don't school here. Sometimes one of them would pick her up after school in a motorbike, and they'd revv off, tyres screaming "_**Eat dirt!!!**_"

        So that's probably why she doesn't think it necessary to try and communicate with us lower life-forms. Yeap, the Motorcycle Gang is all she needs.

        But what really is MY excuse? I mean, I have to face reality. And reality tells me that using trying to win a Scholarship as an excuse not to have friends slash socialize is pretty lame. Yet that's what I've been doing.

        Something has got to change.

* * *

        Hana cleared her throat. The Goth girl didn't bat an eyelid. She simply went on scratching indiscernible marks onto the table-top with a pen-knife. Hana considered asking her whether she could please stop doing so but decided to bite on her words. The knife might very well be turned on her instead.

        Hana tried a more direct approach to introducing herself.

        "Hey!" Hana greeted, trying to sound chirpy. Then she realized that Goths probably didn't like chirpy, maybe they even _detested_ it. But it had caught the girl's attention. Her permanent look of disdain, contempt and boredom was now focused onto Hana's face. Hana swallowed.

        "I'm Hana," she said, trying a friendly smile (but not TOO friendly, just in case). The girl kept on staring at her.

        Finally she said, "And?" with the same look on her face.

        "A-and...what's your name?" Hana was about to crack a smile again, then stopped herself. "We've been sitting at the same lunch table for almost a year now and I just suddenly realized that we've never said a word to each other so I thought, '_Well, why not now then?_' " Hana brushed back a strand of loose hair from her braid away from her face nervously.

        And then, after awhile, the girl finally said, "So you're Hana". Hana nodded. And waited. The girl narrowed her eyes, as if trying to search Hana's face for some evil, non-existent ploy that Hana had supposedly cooked up in her mind. Finally, she decided that Hana was being sincere.

        "My name's Emily," she replied. And then she smiled. A scary one (rather like a wolf baring its fangs), but a smile nonetheless. Hana was blown away. She'd never seen the girl (or Emily, as she knew her name was now) smile before.

        She was making progress.


	8. Change

Change. Hana still remembered Ephram's essay. She wondered why it still meant so much to her anyway. 

These days Hana felt different. Oh, she was still the same old geek as ever, but inside, she felt like she was...changing. The funniest thing that had happened lately to her that sparked off tongue-wagging for days on end and was a topic of interest still among her schoolmates was that Hana and Emily had lately become very pal-ish.

"Aye, Hana," Emily would call out to her as she walked outside the school building after school, leaning against one wall or another (smoking, more often than not). What was even more amusing to Hana was that she'd found out that Emily was Irish. She could switch accents faster than lightning, and Hana didn't bother trying to bottle her laughter whenever Emily (in all her Goth get-up) first put on the accent of her Motherland for the sake of amusement.

_"Aye, ye cannae guess woots under me kilt!"_

"If I'm Goth, you're Hippie," Emily had said to her once. Apparently, Emily refused to believe the possibility that she looked like a Goth.

"It's just what I like to wear, black," she'd shrugged.

"Hippie??" Hana had exclaimed in surprise.

* * *

Emily gave her a look that said, _What. You didn't know?_

"Look at you, always in baggy pants and tie-dyed shirts. If you'd only let down your long hair and wear big John Lennon glasses you'd be the perfect classic hippie," Emily punctuated her point by dragging on her cigarette.

Hana wrinkled her nose and tried not to breathe as Emily let out a stream of smoke from her 'O'-shaped lips. Emily noticed this.

"I know. They're bad. But damn, I'm addicted to 'em!" she laughed madly. Hana held her tongue. In her mind, she was already planning on a health-routine for Emily, starting with packing an extra dolphin-safe tuna sandwich for her every morning.

It didn't bother her so much, but Hana wondered what the pair of them might look like to other people. A geek/hippie/clean-girl standing around and talking to a Goth--okay, black-dressing smoker/biker-girl. It was intriguing just thinking about it, and it must've looked intriguing too because everyone passing them by gave them first, then second glances.

"Look at those pathetic robots, staring at us. They're so used to stereotyping and judging other people that they think we look an odd pair. Feel like giving them something real to talk about," Emily drawled as she stared back at everyone else, the mask of contempt back on her face.

That was all it was, really. A mask. As far as Hana knew, Emily wasn't really like that. Well, she could be cynical and rather sadistic sometimes, but so could everyone else.

"The thing is, Hana," Emily continued after taking another drag on her cigarette, "it's exactly like that old hippie belief: we are all Human. But regular humans don't think that way. So what the hell. Best don't bother trying to fit in anyway then, right?"

Hana laughed inwardly at the thought of trying to fit in. She thought about Emily's words. They were true; even Hana was guilty of stereotyping sometimes. Thinking that Emily was Goth when she'd first met her was stereotyping, wasn't it?

"Am I a regular human, you think?" Hana asked. Emily's cigarette-hand froze halfway on its journey to her lips. She turned her head to look at Hana and stared at her.

After what seemed like eternity, she finally said, "_You_, are most definitely _not_ a regular human, or you wouldn't be here talking to me". Then all of a sudden, as if she hadn't stopped at all, she brought the cigarette to her lips and took a long deep drag on it. She sighed and smiled with satisfaction.

* * *

Hana still stayed back in the auditorium after school to listen to Ephram play, but his visits were getting less and less frequent. At most, he would play one song, and then go off. She didn't let him know she was there, though. She was afraid he wouldn't feel comfortable playing anymore if he knew.

She hoped the reason for his increasingly infrequent visits wasn't because she'd chased him away or scared him off by popping out of nowhere the other time. After all, she knew the auditorium was meant to be his Secret Hiding Place.

She had wanted to talk to him again so many times after he'd walked her home, but so far all of their exchanges since that day were hellos or byes. It was frustrating. Maybe next time she'd say "Adieu" instead, just for the heck of it. Maybe not.

Hana wished she could be more like Emily. Emily was her exact opposite. She was daring, she was dangerous and she didn't give two hoots who thought what about her. Hana wanted a little bit of that, if not all.

Emily was who she hung out with now, when Ephram couldn't be found. Mostly they'd just sit around and talk. Hana found Emily's stories fascinating; stories of her escapades with the Motorcycle Gang and how her older brothers had gotten her hooked into such things because they were members themselves. Emily told her that she'd hated to be left out of all her brothers' mischief when she was younger. Things hadn't changed.

Somehow though, Hana couldn't bring herself to tell anyone about Ephram, not even Emily, although Hana knew she wouldn't tell anyone (anyone that mattered to Hana, at least).

And so for the longest time, it would remain her secret.


	9. Moving On

First of all, thanks so much to beama and auggy1984 who've been regular reviewers of this little ficlet. I'm really sorry I'm such a terrible updater but hey! School's out for 2 months and maybe NOW I can actually concentrate on this thing! Thanks for all your support!

* * *

At times Hana wished that she could draw. Like right now. She looked down at her pathetic attempt at creating a portrait of Ephram on top of her open textbook and sighed. Nothing she could do would be able to capture the intensity of his eyes. Nothing. In fact, her pencil sketch looked like such a terrible rendition of him she had half a mind to start tearing it up into shreds like a rabid dog.

"Hana?" Mr Peters' voice suddenly broke through her thoughts.

"Yes?" Hana spoke up, and her classmates broke into laughter. Hana felt her face growing warm. He must've been asking her a question. Mr Peters sighed and gave her a disappointed look. At this, Hana cringed inwardly and faced her desk. She couldn't bear his look. Why couldn't he just berate her like he did the others?

"See me after class," she heard him say, an ominous tone to his voice. Hana sensed the stir in the atmosphere as her classmates turned their heads around to look at her. Whoa. Hana? In trouble? That was a first. Hana lifted her head from her embarrassment and caught Ephram looking at her. He smiled empathically. She turned away from him.

_Damn you, it's all because of you._

* * *

Hana trudged down the school steps looking for all the world like someone had died. Mr Peters' lecture had been awful. She knew that he cared the most about his students among all her teachers, but damn, he could really make a person feel like schmuck.

"Hana, obviously you don't care about my or any of your other teachers' lessons," Mr Peters had started off, his eyes like daggers shooting straight into hers. What the heck was she supposed to reply to that? But then again, Hana didn't really think he had been expecting one.

"Your grades are dropping miserably. I don't know what's gotten into you lately. You're constantly daydreaming, handing in your work late...you are completely slacking off. To tell you the truth, you've been one of the most promising students we have here. But now...," he broke off as Hana forced her breathing to remain calm. "I really expected more from you than this."

_Okay, enough with the guilt trip already!!!_

Hana couldn't believe she'd had to sit through almost an hour of that. Boy, now she finally knew what it was like to be in a teacher's bad book. She'd never understood how any of her schoolmates could dislike a teacher till now.

"Aye, Hana. Why the long face?" a familiar voice said. Thank god for Emily. She had suddenly appeared at the bottom of the steps, puffing out smoke like a power station as usual.

"Nothing...academic problems," Hana replied in a dead voice.

Emily snorted with laughter. "What...that's all? Geez...for a moment there I thought something serious had happened!"

Hana shot a glare at her. "An academic problem _is_ serious", she replied. Emily lifted her hands in surrender.

"Alright, alright...no need to throw your anger at me". Emily laughed again. When that didn't elicit a response from Hana, she sighed helplessly. "You know what?" she started, an idea forming in her head. "You look like you could do with a smoke".

Hana wrinkled her nose in disgust. "That's disgusting".

"Hey..." Emily sounded half-offended. "How would you know it's disgusting if you haven't tried it? It's...what's that word...therapatic?"

"Therapeutic," Hana corrected her.

"Yeah that's it. Come on, just one puff won't hurt," Emily cajoled. She held out the cigarette she'd been smoking to Hana.

"Alright...maybe just one puff," Hana agreed slowly. _What can it hurt?_ She moved her hand slowly towards the offering in Emily's hand.

"Then again," Emily suddenly said, pulling her hand back just as Hana was about to touch the cigarette. She looked around. "Maybe we should be more discreet about this, eh?" She nodded her head towards the back of the school building and walked towards it.

Hana followed behind her.


	10. Bad feels so Good

Disclaimer: All are my characters except for Ephram, Amy and the mention of Dr Brown and Colin.

Welcome back colorado2 :).

* * *

"You know what the problem with you is?"

I coughed and sputtered, choking on the smoke going down my throat again before managing a strangled, "What?" Emily had been right. This _was_ therapeutic. I breathed another puff in deeply, but not so hard lest I start having a coughing fit again. The smoke felt like fire going down my throat, burning away all my troubles so that none were left. What was the word to describe this? Ah, sadomasochism. The derivation of pleasure from the infliction of physical pain.

"You," Emily punctuated her point by pointing her cigarette at me. I wondered how many times I'd seen her do that. "--care too much," she continued. After saying her words of wisdom, she let her head fall back against the brick of the school building and eyed me smugly.

"What (cough) do you mean?" I asked, confused. Maybe starting with Reds wasn't such a good idea, but Emily didn't carry any other type of cigarette.

_"But you're a tough girl right? You can take it,"_ she'd said, smiling with a knowledge I didn't have.

"Yeah, you do," Emily laughed now. "If you didn't care so much, you wouldn't even _be_ in this predicament. You've got to chill. Relax. Don't let the teachers bother you so much. They're full of it," she shrugged as she threw her finished cigarette stick onto the ground and crunched it underneath her boot.

"But- but how? I've always cared about my grades...I even...I even..." somehow, I felt too embarrassed to say it now.

"Come on, spit it," Emily waited.

_Oh, what the heck. I might as well._

"I even wanted to win the grand scholarship," I admitted. I waited for Emily's reaction. She was looking at me, her expression unchanged. Then slowly, stiltedly, a small smile cracked its way into her lips, and her mouth trembled before she suddenly let out a huge guffaw.

"Oh Hana! You are too adorable!" she gasped and doubled over with laughter, clutching her stomach.

"What's so funny?" I asked meekly. Emily rose up, looked at my face again, and stifled another bout of laughter.

"Come on, I wanna show you something," she said.

* * *

"What is it?" I asked. Emily seemed to be looking out for something. Or someone.

"Damn that idiot. Always late. He was supposed to pick me up an hour ago," she said, her brows knit. We were waiting at the school's front gate. The road outside looked empty as far as I could see.

Then moments later, I thought I heard the rev of an engine in the distance. It became louder and louder until a motorcycle emerged into view from the end of the road.

It was a dirt bike. I couldn't see the rider because he or she had a helmet on.

Emily was grinning that wolf grin of hers again. "That's my bro," she said.

I gulped as the motorcycle came closer. It didn't look as if it was slowing down. I prepared to jump out of the way just as the bike swerved and its tyres screeched, sending small bits of rock flying. It halted not a foot away from us.

"Show off!!!" Emily laughed and smacked the rider's back. He took off his helmet. I found myself gulping again, this time for another reason. Leather jacket, striking good looks, cocky smile. The ultimate bad-boy.

"So who's this, Em? Got yourself a friend at last?" he teased, his brown eyes twinkling with mischief. His unruly brown hair made him look younger than he was. I guessed that he must be somewhere in his early twenties.

"Shut up," Emily replied. "This is Hana. And _this," _Hana looked at me now, "is my obnoxious brother Jake".

"Pleased to meet you," Jake now smiled. Wolf smile. He held out his hand and I shook it.

Emily rolled her eyes. "Alright Jake, when you're done _flirting_, I'd like you to give her a ride on the bike. You know what I mean," the two of them exchanged glances.

"You sure?" Jake looked at her then at me uncertainly.

"Hell yeah. She's tougher than she looks. Just needs a little bit of pushing," Emily told her brother. I wondered what in the world they were planning to do with me.

"Alright," he said in a _you-know-better_ tone and pulled his helmet back on. "Climb on," he yelled, muffled, over the revving of the engine.

"Come on," Emily helped me on behind him. I had trouble putting my second leg over the bike, but together we managed.

"A-are you sure?" I asked her, feeling afraid now that I was on the bike. This was so unlike being in a car. I felt so vulnerable, so helplessly exposed. The fact that I couldn't even see what was on the road right in front of me because of Jake added to my fear.

"Yeah, you can do it. You'll be hooting in no time," she said as if it were no big deal, a big smile on her face. "I'll be waiting right here till you guys get back".

"But- but..." I stammered, but she shushed me and pulled a helmet over my head. Clasping it on under my chin, she said, "Hang on and have fun!"

Then we were off, my arms tight around Jake's waist.

* * *

_Holy— I'm gonna die! I'm gonna die!! I'm gonna die!!!_

Currently, I'm screaming my head off inside my helmet. Now I know what that exchanged look between Emily and Jake was for. Jake's going at light-speed! We're going to fly off the face of the Earth!! We're going to crash at light-speed into an oncoming car, or _lorry_!!!

I'm imagining my entrails splayed all over the road.

"Having fun back there?" he shouts and tilts his head so that I can hear him.

_Look in front for God's sake!!!_

I reply with more screaming. Finally, after a blur of more scenery, the bike slows down and stops. Traffic light.

"Hana, you mind loosening your grip a little...I'm kinda finding it hard to breathe," Jake lifts the visor from his helmet and says.

I lift my visor and shout at him, a tremble in my voice, "_Yes_ I mind at the speed you're going!!!" Jake laughs. I'm shaking. My hands are cold and clammy. I hope they don't slip off his waist. Is that possible? Would I fly off if that happens?

"Aww...Emily thought you could take it," he replied.

_Was that a challenge?_

I swallowed. "Of course I can!"

I feel him touch my hand. "Whoa...is that cold. You sure?"

I remove my hands from their death-grip around his waist and wipe their clamminess against the fabric of my pants.

"I'm sure," I say, resolved. I feel like I have to prove this to myself. I have to prove this to Emily. And I _especially_ have to prove it to Jake, for some reason.

"Alright," he says in that _you-know-better _tone again. He pulls down his visor and I pull down mine too. The traffic light turns green. My arms are back in their death-grip position.

We speed off.

* * *

"You guys sure were gone for a long time," Emily gets up from the curb as we slow down and stop beside her. I'm laughing. I jump off the bike and almost fall, my knees and ankles feeling weak. In fact, my whole two legs are feeling like jell-o, but _I don't care_.

"It was incredible!!!" I laugh as I bound over to Emily. She's laughing too.

"Told you!" she says.

Jake gets off the bike and removes his helmet. "This girl is crazy. You should've seen her Em. In the beginning she was all screaming and freaking out, then all of a sudden she's laughing and hooting and shouting at me to go faster!" He shakes his head, a big smile on his face as he looks at me.

Emily suddenly turns mock-serious. "You know what this means don't you?" she says to me.

"What?"

"You've had it in you all the time!" she laughs. Cool.

"What do you think if we made her a part of the gang huh?" she suddenly turns to her brother.

I laugh uncertainly now. What? Gang? I'm not so sure about this.

"Are you serious?" her brother asks her, an incredulous look on his face.

"Yeah, why not! I could do her up. She's got it in her bro, even you saw that," Emily convinces him. "Besides, I'm sick of being the only girl".

"Well..." he thinks about it. "Sure," he finally decides. "If she wants, that is".

"So whaddya say?" Emily asks. They both look at me now.


	11. Initiation

Hoo. I'm so on a roll here, even if no one reads this shit story. Heh heh.

I guess at this point, you guys must be wondering where the Ephram action is. Well here it is, in this chappie. Just the tip of the iceberg. Lol, sorry, I thought I'd develop the story further first.

* * *

"Now, you have to understand that we don't do this all the time," Emily looked at me seriously. "Being part of the gang means a lot of things".

"Like what?" I asked her, an ominous feeling hovering over me.

"You have to do things. Things that maybe you won't feel so comfortable with at first, but you'll get used to it," she shrugged. "We look out for each other though. We're like a big family," she nodded.

_Things I won't feel comfortable with?_

"Is there some kind of initiation thing I have to go through?" I asked her again, feeling more and more unsure.

Emily laughed. Funny how I'd never noticed how hoarse her laughter was. Throaty and deep. Like a growl? God, I had to stop associating her with a wolf. It was hard not to when she was so like one, though.

"The Initiation's no big deal. Hey, it's alright," she said, seeing the look on my face. "It's not that bad. We'll look out for you".

_We'll look out for you. _Hana couldn't remember the last time she'd had someone look out for her. She had always been the one doing the looking out for her brother and sister. Her dad was always busy with work. When was the last time he'd ever attended any of his children's school events? Far too long ago to remember.

Maybe it was time that Hana be selfish. Emily was her only friend. She didn't want to lose the only friend she'd ever had in this school.

"So...you still up for it?" Emily asked Hana now, breaking her out of her thoughts. She half-expected her to say no.

Hana smiled uncertainly at first, then with resolve. "Yeah. Yeah I am".

Emily hooted with excitement. "I knew it!!! Let me go tell Jake," she said and ran out of the school gate where he was waiting with his bike.

* * *

_Fierce? Me? I don't think I'd ever looked fierce in my entire life. Well. Maybe to my younger siblings when I get mad at them. But even they laugh at me sometimes when I get mad._

* * *

"_Eyeliner_, Hana. Eyeliner makes a world of difference," Emily said during lunch. I'd packed a sandwich for her ala dolphin-safe tuna style, and surprisingly enough, she finished the whole thing.

"Niice...love the mayo," she licked her lips. _Chops_, I couldn't help thinking.

"So you excited about tomorrow night?" she asked me. Excited? My stomach did back flips and somersaults every time I thought about it.

"Yeah," I replied, trying to swallow the chunk of sandwich in my mouth. Wrong hole. I coughed and sputtered as my windpipe choked. Faster than you could say _tuna sandwich_, Emily was behind me whacking on my back.

"God Hana! Eat slowly!" I heard her say. She continued whacking me even when the chunk of sandwich had dislodged itself.

"Em! Emily! I'm alright now! Stop hitting me!" I managed to yell out. She stopped. Embarrassed, I ignored the stares of students from the other tables as she came back round to sit down in front of me.

"Thanks," I said to her.

"Hey," a familiar voice greeted as a shadow blocked our sun. I turned towards the source.

"You okay? Thought I saw you choking there," Ephram said concernedly as he stood beside our table. He was holding a tray of food in his hands.

I coughed, more out of surprise than anything else. "Yeah, I'm alright. Thanks. H-how are you doing?" I asked him.

"I'm alright too," he replied, smiling his usual lopsided smile, green eyes piercing as ever. He glanced over at Emily. Was it just my imagination or did his smile disappear just then? Emily on the other hand didn't even look at him, busying herself with the scratch-marks she'd made on the table of all things.

"Well...guess I better be getting to my table then. Take care," Ephram said, taking his eyes off her to look at me. He smiled, nodded a goodbye and walked away.

Emily snorted with disdain just as he left. "What a Mr Do-gooder, that guy. Should mind his own business". I was shocked at her words.

"He was just trying to be nice!" I defended him.

"Huh. Well he creeps me out. And I don't think he likes me much either," she drawled nonchalantly.

"You're just imagining things," I insisted even though I'd gotten that same feeling. "He doesn't even know you. How can he not like you?"

"Well whatever," Emily dismissed the topic with a wave of her hand. "We were talking about the Initiation".

* * *

In order to become something, one must at least look the part. It was the night of the Initiation. After school, two of Emily's motor biked friends would come and pick Emily and Hana up to the Initiation site.

Was Hana prepared? No. Was Hana nervous? Very. But not much could be done about the state of her stomach, so instead, she'd gone to the toilet straight after class to make a few changes to herself.

Gone were the braids and glasses. She'd let down her dark brown hair so that it fell past her shoulders. Following Emily's advice, she'd also drawn black kohl underneath her eyes. That had been hard to do, but she'd been practising with the pencil at home the night before.

Hana took a deep breath and shook herself off. Well. At least if she didn't feel up for the Initiation, she almost _looked_ like she was.

She packed up her things and walked out of the toilet to wait in front of the school steps. That was where she would meet Emily. But when she got there, there was no sign of her anywhere. Hana tapped her foot impatiently, brimming with nervous anticipation.

"Hana? Is that you?"

She turned around, and who did she see but Ephram Brown, going down the stairs. He stared at her with a mixture of surprise and incredulousness. Hana gulped. She _really_ didn't need the extra bout of nervous energy he peaked in her.

"Yeah," Hana smiled. "What are you still doing in school?"

"Oh, I was just uh...practising on the piano," Ephram laughed sheepishly and rubbed a hand against the back of his neck. Of _course_. To Hana's own surprise, she realised that she hadn't been there for quite some time now.

She couldn't have forgotten. No, it's just that she'd been so busy lately with Emily that it'd...slipped her mind.

"So what are you doing out here? Waiting for someone?" he asked.

"Oh...well yeah, actually. I'm waiting for Emily," she replied, sticking her hands into her pockets and chewing on her lip.

"Oh..." he trailed off. His expression grew serious. "Hana, I've been meaning to talk to you about her. She--"

"Ephram!!" somebody called out from behind him and cut his sentence short as he turned around. It was Amy.

It took every ounce of strength Hana had in her not to roll her eyes. Then again, rolling her eyes wasn't really Hana's kind of thing.

Amy ran over, breathless, her long blonde hair ruffled. Hana couldn't help noticing how pretty she looked even so. She glanced at Hana uncertainly before turning her attention back to Ephram.

"Ephram, I have to talk to you. About the operation," she chewed on her lip, clearly feeling uncomfortable about talking in Hana's presence. That was okay. Hana wasn't staying around.

"Aye Hana! Ready girl?"

Emily had arrived.

"Ready as I'll ever be," Hana replied and went over to her. Emily whistled her approval with Hana's mini-makeover. Ephram called out a goodbye as they walked out the school gates, but she didn't hear him. She had other matters on her mind at the moment.

* * *

"Usually Initiation's a lot tougher than the task we're about to give you. But since," Jake began counting off on his fingers, "you're Emily's friend and she'd kill us if anything happened to you, you're relatively innocent, and you're a girl, we're letting you off easy".

The part about her being innocent or a girl didn't offend Hana one bit. She was feeling too nervous. Instead, she swallowed and nodded. They were parked across the street from the town drugstore.

"What you gotta do is go into that shop there, grab something of value off one of the shelves, and get back here to us all in one piece. The higher the value of the object you bring back to us, the better," Mike, the leader of the gang explained. "In fact, the more objects the better," he laughed, shoulders shaking, and the gang laughed along with him. He kind of intimidated her with his burly size and unshaven face, but then again the entire gang kind of intimidated her. Hana had to keep checking herself in order not to cling onto Emily too much throughout everything. Emily had advised her against that. She didn't want the gang to think she was some kind of babysitter now, did she.

Emily wasn't being very active in her supporting role either. Right now she sat on a bike with her back resting against one of the gang members'. She kept her eyes on Hana as she smoked, relaxed.

Hana gulped.

Shoplifting. Now that's one thing she hadn't tried before, among many others. But all eyes were on her, measuring her up. She could tell what they were all thinking. Could she do it? Some were thinking she looked too weak to.

She would show them.


	12. Wrong Direction

colorado2-- Ephram to the rescue!! Well. Sorta.

beama-- (Face burns red) Thanks beama, I'm humbled by your opinion. (Aww shuddup already :D)

whoopiepiez-- Sit back & enjoy the ride...

* * *

I've realised one thing in all of this. I've realised that there really is no point in feeling guilty. Emily says that guilt is just excess emotional and psychological baggage. Well, not in those exact words, but to that intent.

Initiation went _perfectly. _I was almost like a pro, Jake had said. Well, maybe they were too far away to notice how my hands had been shaking, but I'd entered and left the shop as if I owned the place.

What I'd stolen: Headphones, batteries, a candle and a bottle of Paramol. I didn't know what exactly they'd wanted me to get, so I'd just winged it. Believe me, it had been a lot of trouble even getting all those items hidden into the jacket they'd given me, and it had been at least two sizes too big for me. I'd taken ages to steal each item too, pretending to look for something but not being able to find it. Every time the drugstore owner had asked me if I'd needed any help, I'd shouted out, "No, I'm fine," or "It's ok".

When I was done with my shoplifting and was walking by the counter, I was sure as anything that the owner would stop me and hand me over to the police right away. Thankfully though, he must've looked at me and assessed me as a good kid, even with my hair down and eyeliner on.

"I couldn't find it," I'd explained my empty-handedness to him.

"What were you looking for, girl?" he'd asked me kindly, the corners of his eyes wrinkling. Crow's feet.

"Spray can," I'd answered without thinking and almost killed myself right then for it. Great. Now he was going to think I was some kind of punk.

But he'd just laughed. "You can't find no spray can here!"

"Yeah, I know that now," I'd laughed along. Then I'd made my way out of the store with no trouble.

I'd even yelled out a goodbye at him.

* * *

The gang cheered when I got back.

Jake laughed. "I _told_ you that old man's easy to fool, guys!" Emily punched him in the arm.

"Or _maybe_ Hana's just good," she said and winked at me. How they laughed and hooted at my inventory of stolen items. They were happy with the Paramol though, for some reason.

So Initiation's over. I was not fooled though. I knew they were letting me off easy. But I was going to be up for anything and everything they threw my way.

* * *

Over the next few weeks there was a marked change in Hana. For one thing, no one would ever describe her as _that_ _meek, geeky girl_ again. She was also inclined to cutting her classes, even if only to smoke with Emily who cut class regularly. The teachers were dismayed.

"Maybe I was too hard on her," Mr Peters was heard saying to another. But it was too late now for an apology.

* * *

Do you know what total freedom feels like? Well if I did, I'm sure it would feel something like this.

It's so liberating, the whole concept of _not caring._ I'm smoking. I don't care. I've been cutting classes to do so. I don't care. I've stolen a couple of things, broken a couple of things, and seen a couple of people get hurt since the night of the Initiation, but I _don't care_. It's exhilarating.

I feel so unlike me. I feel more like Emily. Daring, dangerous, and not giving two hoots who thinks what about me. That's what I want, isn't it? Cause I'm sick of being pushed around. I'm sick of having my feelings played with. I want control over my own life, and no one and nothing else to rule over me.

So why do I feel so empty?

I get up and throw my cigarette stick onto the ground. There's still a bit left. I crush it under my shoe.

"Where are you going?" Emily asks. She's smoking too, still crouching on the ground.

"Gonna get some _air_," I reply. Emily just snorts and laughs as I walk away.

"You're a funny girl, Hana," I heard her say after me. Really? I hadn't been trying to be.

I walk and walk, not thinking about where I'm going. I'm looking down at my scruffy sneakers. I see them walking up steps, walking on concrete, linoleum. I'm inside the school.

Correction. I'm standing in front of the auditorium doors.

Talk about nostalgia leading me.

I wonder how Ephram is doing. I haven't seen him since the Initiation night. Well, outside of classes when I don't cut them, that is. I tell myself I've lost my feelings for him. In fact, when I'm out with the gang, it's Jake who occupies my mind. Jake with his cocky smile, unruly hair, and electrifying personality. How wonderfully different he is from Ephram, and yet in some ways, the same.

But Jake isn't who I think about when I'm alone.

I push open the doors to the auditorium. Ephram's inside. He stops playing on the piano when he sees the light streaming in. Quickly, I close the doors and walk away, trying to remain calm. I hadn't really expected him to be inside.

Too late. I hear him running after me after a moment, shoes squeaking on linoleum floor.

"Hana, that was you, wasn't it?" he calls out. I turn around, my arms hanging loosely by my sides.

I admit it. "Yeah," I say.

* * *

Can it be possible that she's still the same girl who'd dropped her books all over the floor with a sandwich stuck between her teeth just weeks ago?

I wish I'd done something earlier. I'd known Emily was bad news and I'd been the only one besides the teachers who'd seemed to care in some way about what happened to her. But I hadn't done anything about it.

And now there she is standing in front of me, looking like a different person altogether. Her hair is loose around her shoulders, her glasses gone, her eyes burning with a new hardness, lined with black, and tired, as if she'd been having too many late nights. How stern her mouth looks. The faint smell of cigarette smoke wafts from her.

I don't know how to begin. I approach her slowly, as if she's going to run away. Would she?

* * *

He's wearing a green shirt over a long-sleeved white one today. The shirt brings out the colour in his eyes. He walks over to me.

"How...how are you doing?" he asks me, as if he's feeling unsure about himself. Is it possible that the tables have turned? No, not likely.

"I'm doing great. And you?" I ask. I wish we would cut with the formalities already.

"Alright Hana, I'm just gonna get to the point," Ephram says. Oh. Good.

* * *

"I...I don't think Emily's good influence. Look what she's..."

Turned you into? No, not good choice of words.

"...made you do," I continue. "I think...I think maybe you should stop hanging out with her, Hana".

There. I'd said it. I wait for a response.

Hana just stares at me. I wonder if my words have registered in her. Then suddenly, without any change in expression, she replies, "And who should I _hang out _with then? You?"

I don't miss the sarcasm in her words.

* * *

Ephram's eyes betray his shock. Well, _boo-hoo_ to Mr Do-gooder. The guilt he sparks in me only makes me want to feel angrier at him.

"Who are you to tell me who I should and shouldn't hang out with huh?" I literally spit at him. "You don't care! Since when has anyone cared?" the words fly out of my mouth as if it has a mind of its own. "I'll tell you when! Since _Emily_! She's been the only one who's cared!"

"So you," I continue with emphasis, "have no right telling me to lose the only friend I have".

_Especially _not you.

* * *

"That's not what I meant!" I start, her words, her _expression_ causing me to bristle against my own judgement.

_That's not what I meant at all. _But she doesn't want to hear it. She's off again, taking long strides away from me.

She doesn't understand. I _do_ care about her, as funny as it sounds. Even if I don't really know her. I care what happens to her.

I won't be forgetting the anger that burned in her eyes anytime soon.


	13. Jagged Little Pill

_Oh stupid, stupid me. Why did I snap at him? Why do I blame him for everything that's happened to me, everything I've done?  
  
Why do I care so much what he thinks?_

* * *

Hana had been up all night crying, thinking about what she'd said to Ephram that day. How had a crush made her whole life spin out of control? That's what it was, wasn't it? Just a crush.  
  
The more that Hana thought about it, the more she realised that everything she'd been doing up to this point had been because she'd felt rejected by everybody. By him. And Emily had been the only one who'd accepted her, her being a social _pariah_ herself.  
  
She chanted Emily's mantra in her head now. _I don't care. I don't care. I don't care_. But it wasn't working anymore.  
  
Groaning disgustedly at herself, she got out of bed and strode into the toilet connected to her bathroom to wash her blotchy face. She made herself stare into the eyes of her reflection. Ugly, swollen and red.  
  
"You. Don't. Care," she told herself, letting each word sink in. Register. She felt as if she were boring holes into her own mind.  
  
Sure enough, she felt better straightaway.

* * *

The beer was already beginning to affect her. Hana had never been much of a drinker. That is, not before she'd joined the gang.  
  
The gang was laughing and smoking, sitting around in what looked like a huge crater in the middle of an abandoned construction site. Some were slightly tipsy already too, cheeks flushed pink.  
  
Jake hadn't come along tonight. He had other obligations, he'd explained. What kind of obligations, Hana didn't know. Didn't really want to know. Right now she only wanted to get herself high and not think too much.  
  
Emily was cracking a joke about some poor geeky guy they'd mugged the other night walking down the street. That's how they got their funds, by stealing. And the funds were later on used to buy cigarettes, beer, anything they wanted.  
  
"Things you might not feel so comfortable with at first, but you'll get used to it". Hana remembered what Emily had first told her before she'd joined the gang. She wondered when she'd ever feel completely comfortable about what they did; comfortable enough to laugh about them, even brag about them. Even now, her laughter was forced, strained, as Emily mimicked how the guy they'd mugged had tried to run away and how he'd pleaded.  
  
Hana didn't really feel like listening to what Emily was saying, so she just laughed along when everyone else did.  
  
Maybe that's why she was the first to notice them.  
  
A group of people were standing at the edge of the crater, just looking at them. She could only see their silhouettes for there wasn't much light to go by, but there were at least six of them. The rest of her gang members fell into silence as one by one they all turned to see what Hana was looking at.  
  
"Great," she heard Emily say in an irritated whisper.  
  
"This is our spot," someone from the group shouted over to them. The leader, Hana guessed.  
  
"Oh yeah?" Mike replied to him after a moment, non-plussed. "I don't see your name on it". Trouble was brewing.

* * *

This is the first gang fight I've ever gotten myself into. Emily had already sort of equipped me with the neccessary knowledge, but nothing can ever prepare a person for the real thing.  
  
Lesson number one. "Be resourceful".  
  
What could I use as a weapon?  
  
To my dismay, I already see some of my gang members (and I still haven't really gotten over the use of this term) breaking the bottom off their bottles. My stomach lurches at the thought of the damage those jagged edges can do.  
  
I can't chicken out. I'd die before I do.  
  
The sudden realisation comes to me that there's a possibility I just might.  
  
Here we go.

* * *

I'm holding my own, surprisingly. I've found a metal bar lying around (which isn't very hard to find here) and I'm fending people off with it as best as I can. I'm lucky; my opponents haven't been very strong ones. Cocky, and with not enough skill to make up for it.  
  
I jump back, out of the way of the switchblade my opponent's swinging at me. She looks pretty intimidating, actually; eyes fierce, mouth in a scowl, dreadlocked hair pulled back from her face with a bandana. But looks can be deceiving. She's coming at me too much with her emotions and not enough with her head. I side-step and avoid her attacks easily.  
  
But I'll get tired sooner or later. Already my movements are getting slower, my reaction time half a second too slow.  
  
Suddenly, a loud whistle pierces through the night air. It's the leader of the other gang. He's calling for a retreat. His members look up in confusion, but they follow his lead.  
  
What's going on?  
  
As the opposing gang runs away, all attention focuses onto the crumpled figure lying still on the ground.  
  
It's Emily. Blood seeps through her shirt, the stain growing bigger even as we watch.  
  
I snap out of my horror and run to crouch beside her. Her eyes are closed, but she's still breathing. I hear one of my gang members curse under his breath. Why are they just standing around? Hasn't something like this happened before?  
  
But before I can open my mouth to say any of this, I hear sirens coming from the distance. What the hell? Who alerted the police?  
  
"Everyone, let's go!!!" Mike shouts, back in command.  
  
WHAT? "What about Hana??" I ask him, my voice aghast.  
  
He's already half-running, the rest of the gang already at full speed. "Leave her! You'll get caught!"  
  
"Jake wouldn't allow this!!!" I scream back at him.  
  
"You don't know Jake!" he lets out before completely turning his back on me.  
  
I don't know Jake. Oh God. He wouldn't, would he?  
  
Gangs, with their pretence of looking out for each other. But when it really comes down to it, it's to each man his own.  
  
To each girl her own.  
  
I stay with Emily, even when the police come to take me away.


	14. Limbo

beama- Thanks for your relentless support :)

* * *

Hana's father hadn't been particularly happy to open his front door to find her in the clutches of a policeman. It would be an understatement to say that he hadn't been very happy to find out what she had been up to either. Currently, she was under his (and the police's) strict probation exercise. He would call home every day after school finished to check that she was home instead of out with "punks".  
  
So here she was now. Life was seemingly back to normal, back to before she'd become friends with Emily. Back to when she was a geek.  
  
Except now it was worse. In the past she used to be invisible; no one used to notice her. Now people pointedly ignored her. There was a difference.  
  
When she walked around in school, she would feel heads turn to stare at her, their gazes stabbing at her skin, causing it to flush. She would hear whispers low and hurried, like dry leaves swirling after her.  
  
"Oh, look. There's Hana, that girl who used to be a geek, then joined a gang".  
  
"A gang? Really?"  
  
"Yeah, with Emily. You know, that creepy girl who smokes all the time".  
  
"Ohhh...yeah, I remember her. Hey, isn't she in hospital now or something?"  
  
When she turned around to stare these people down, to dare them to say more, they did the exact opposite. They shut up and turned away. It was all really frustrating, actually. Now she was worse than a social pariah. She was a social disease.  
  
So now she just sighed and ignored them all, her head down. Perhaps to stay exactly the same for as long as possible, to stand perfectly still, wasn't such a bad thing after all. Her hair was back in its original two thick braids; one each to hide the vision from both sides of her face.

* * *

Ephram was scouring through his locker for his History textbook, sure he'd left it in there somewhere.  
  
When he finally found it shoved somewhere near the back of the locker among loose sheets of paper and comics, he pulled it out quickly. He was going to be late if he didn't hurry up. But just then, one of the loose sheets of paper fell out from his locker and fluttered to the floor. It was lined; one of the pages torn out from his notebook.  
  
He sighed in exasperation and stooped over to pick it up. He turned it over, and was surprised to see that it was an old drawing of his.  
  
He'd done drawings of some people in class when he'd been bored. Anime-style drawings. This one was of Hana. She'd always intrigued him somewhat with her quiet ways. No one had known much about her, even though she'd been in the school for as long as everyone else. She'd always seemed nice enough, but cold, withdrawn, as if an invisible wall of ice blocked her off from the rest of the world.  
  
In his drawing she was busy writing down notes at her desk. Her fingers gripped around her pen tightly, back hunched over almost as if she were going to immerse herself into her notes and literally drown. There was a slight frown to her eyes; focused, almost sub-human in their determination.  
  
He wished he could figure her out.

* * *

Just when Hana thought things couldn't get any worse, she bumped into Ephram Brown in the hallway; the last person she ever wanted to see. She'd inanely convinced herself that she would be able to avoid him for the rest of high school. Of course, that wasn't possible.  
  
Luckily for her though, he was bent over a piece of paper he'd picked up from the floor. Here was her chance to postpone an awkward discourse.  
  
He didn't even glance up as she walked quickly past him and to her next class.

* * *

The piano wasn't helping today. Ephram had too many things on his mind. First of all, Colin's return, no, intrusion back into Amy's life. Which for reasons he didn't think he'd have to explain, was affecting his life too.  
  
Every time Colin entered the same room Amy was in, she positively glowed, like a hundred-watt bulb. Her eyes would shine for him, stalking his every move, until he would unavoidably walk over to join her and her brother Bright.  
  
So it was no surprise that Ephram didn't fit in anywhere into any of their plans at the moment. But what could he do? It was like time before Colin had returned had been just a phase, one that Amy and everyone else had moved on from.  
  
He couldn't help feeling used. At first he had been her emotional trashbin; someone she'd leaned on throughout her confusion. He'd listened to her, comforted her, even after Bright had approached him to tell him that she was only using him to get to his father. Even though he liked her more than as just a friend.  
  
So what was he now?

* * *

Hana wondered how Emily was doing that very moment. She couldn't help feeling (guiltily so) that Emily was lucky that she wasn't the one who had to face the school while Hana was the one in hospital.  
  
Yeah, she wouldn't mind being the one in hospital right now. Anything but this. She had almost cut her last class that day. But in the end she'd sat through Mr Peters, braving through his many glances her way. Were they filled with disgust and loathing at her? She hadn't been brave enough to look. She had practically run out the moment the bell rang, even when she thought she'd heard him call out her name.  
  
And guess where she was now for lack of better resources?  
  
Yeap, you guessed it. The toilet cubicle.


	15. Duet

Note: You guys may have noticed the similarities between what really happened in Everwood, but now I'm gonna divert from the original story. In other words, Colin doesn't die in this one. 

auggy1984 & beama-- All in good time ;)

colorado2-- It's great seeing that I've made Hana real to you. And here's more Ephram/Hana!

* * *

Hana had been sitting on the toilet for almost an hour now. In that same period of time, she'd managed to listen in to countless bits of gossip that various girls had talked about while they were doing their Loo Time. A little about her, but mostly about some other random girl or guy.  
  
It was getting a _tad_ boring.  
  
Besides, wasn't she supposed to be home now? Her father was probably looking for her. She didn't want to get into trouble so soon, especially after just breaking his trust.  
  
But she couldn't leave just yet. She still had something left to do. It shook her nerves like a live wire everytime she thought of going through with it, but her conscience wouldn't allow her to let it go.  
  
She owed somebody an apology.

* * *

I took a deep breath, no, three, before I gently pushed the auditorium door open. I knew he would be inside. I felt it in my gut.  
  
I shook myself off, straightened my shoulders with resolve and walked my way in. True enough, Ephram was up on the stage. He'd turned on the lights this time. Strangely though, there wasn't any sound coming from the piano.  
  
He was bent over the keys, his fingers touching them. He just wasn't...moving.  
  
Maybe I'd come in during a bad time. My already cowardly resolve broke completely. I turned around to leave.  
  
But as I pulled open the door, I heard him call out my name questioningly. _Drats_, I thought.  
  
"Hey," I greeted with a shaky smile as I turned around. I geared myself up mentally and rehearsed what I'd wanted to say to him in my head as I walked up to the stage. What was he expecting me to say as his eyes watched me?  
  
In the end I was standing right in front of him, my fingers weaved together in front of me.  
  
Why wasn't I saying anything? My mind had gone blank.  
  
"How are you doing?" Ephram spoke up first.  
  
"Me? I'm doing okay," I replied and tried a smile. _Liar_. "Listen," this was it. "I...I just wanted to tell you that I'm sorry. For what I said to you the other time. You were right, about Emily, and I know that you hadn't meant what you said the way I'd said you'd meant it and I was just- I don't know, angry at- at...well not at _you_...I just..."  
  
Oh, why couldn't I stop babbling incoherently?  
  
Ephram held up his hands for me to stop. I was almost relieved. "Whoa," he laughed. His green eyes still held that same sparkle. Was I the only one who noticed? If Amy could only see him the way I saw him. She would be crazy to turn him down.  
  
"Apology accepted," he replied with a nod. I grinned at him embarrassedly. Then his expression turned thoughtful. He moved so that there was a space on the seat beside him.  
  
"Sit down," he said to me.  
  
"Okay..." I replied, puzzled, and sat down beside him. "What is it?"  
  
"I'm gonna teach you a simple duet. You ready?" he smiled at me. In reply, I dropped my bag down onto the floor beside me and looked at him expectantly.

* * *

He couldn't say exactly what it was about Hana that made her easy to talk to. Maybe it was just the way she carried herself; the way she looked at him and talked to him with such vulnerability that it was impossible for him not to open up to her. He already knew that she could choose not to be. He'd had a taste of the other side of her.  
  
In the end, he found himself telling her about Amy, and she listened to every word. He found himself ranting at times, but even with the slight embarrassment he felt afterwards, he couldn't help also feeling...relief. Finally, he had somebody to confide in. A real friend, perhaps.  
  
He also couldn't help feeling as if she understood all his feelings towards Amy.  
  
What he couldn't know was how much she understood.

* * *

The next few weeks were heaven to Hana, and maybe..just _maybe, _for Ephram too. It felt almost as if they were escaping from the real world. But the way the world went, reality would always eventually catch up. Hana knew that. But she tried not to think about it too much.

Hana also wasn't foolish enough to believe that Ephram would like her the way she liked him, nor that he would immediately be able to sense how she felt about him. He was, after all, just human. And he had things on his mind too. Amy, more specifically.

And so Hana was content in just being his friend. When he confided in her about Amy, she willed herself to push all her jealousy deep inside her and listen to him, even give him advice. Because what was worse than Ephram being in love with another person was for her to lose their newfound friendship.

Besides, things were comfortable this way. And Ephram would never know the extra pleasure she took in having lunch with him, or pretending to study with him while she actually sat drinking in his profile.

"Whaddya think?" Ephram asked as he shoved a drawing in front of Hana's face.

"Well...I'd be able to tell you if I can see it with my eyes crossed". Hana laughed and grabbed it off his hands. She laughed some more when she saw what the drawing was. It was cartoon of a girl and guy sitting back-to-back while the crowd around them walked by, oblivious and faded into the background. It didn't take much to tell that the girl in the drawing was Hana. She had long braids, glasses, a pile of books by her side, and a _sandwich _in her mouth?

"You just had to add the sandwich, didn't you," Hana deadpanned. Ephram grinned and shrugged.

"Somehow I can't forget that image of you". Hana felt her face turn red at the memory. Ephram laughed evilly.

"Ha. Ha. Ha".

The Ephram cartoon had headphones around his neck, a pile of manga comics beside him and purple hair.

"Ah...I remember this hair. You caused quite a stir," Hana grinned, her eyes lighting up.

"Yeah, kinda miss it actually," Ephram said wistfully. Hana laughed.

"Dye it back, then".

"Nah, kinda hard to find purple hair dye here...besides it attracts too much attention," Ephram said matter-of-factly, indicating to everyone else's fairly normal-coloured hair.

Just then, something caught Hana's eye. One of the jocks was making his way over to a table of girls. Ephram turned to see what she was looking at.

"Prom," he said, non-plussed.

It was quite a common sight these days, seeing an invitation happening live. Quite an entertaining sight too, especially with the guy's friends waiting for him like hawks at their own end. Would he suffer the humiliation of rejection or rejoice the victory of getting an acceptance? Usually though, such incidences were later accompanied by secret gleeful squealings in the girl's toilet.

But Hana wasn't planning to go for prom, was she? She averted her eyes back to Ephram.

"Hey you haven't answered my question," he said to her now.

"What?" she asked blankly. He reached over towards her, took the drawing out of her hands and held it up.

"Whaddya think?" he asked and closed his eyes in mock-fear as he waited for her judgement. Hana laughed.

"It's bee-yoo-ti-ful!!" she said dramatically and he opened one green eye. But she really meant it.


	16. Red Indians, History & a Revelation

auggy 1984 & beama-- :) Thanks

colorado2-- Here's the start :)

slain-- I've emailed you the site. Read on!

* * *

Hana's hand hovered over the phone. Should she?

No, she decided, and let her hand fall again. But soon enough, she changed her mind again.

"Augh, Hana, just get it over with and call her already!" she suddenly found herself yelling. It was a good thing she was in her room. She was going crazy over this. Finally deciding to take her own advice, she picked up the phone and began dialing the numbers to Emily's house.

She'd spent all afternoon looking through the phonebook until finally, she'd found the right family. The Whelans. Interestingly enough, Whelan meant "wolf". What was it with Emily and wolves? she wondered.

"Hello?" a deep, slurred voice picked up on the sixth ring. It sounded like the person had been sleeping.

Hana swallowed. "Hello, can I speak to Emily please? Emily Whelan?"

"Who is this?" the guy on the other end suddenly perked up. "Is this Hana?"

Jake?

"Hana?" he repeated.

"Yeah," Hana took a deep breath nervously. Why was she feeling so guilty? It wasn't her fault Emily had gotten stabbed. But she couldn't help feeling she could've done something more...

"Listen, before I pass the phone to her, I just wanna say thanks. Thank you for not leaving her behind like all the other cowards," Jake said a little venomously.

What? "You're welcome," she finally managed to say. There was a small silence before he continued.

"Well. Guess I'll pass the phone to her, then. Take care," he said. She heard him call for Emily in the background.

A minute later, Emily picked up. "Hana! I haven't heard from you in ages!" she demanded a little angrily.

"I'm sorry!" Hana pleaded guiltily. "I-I've just been so caught up since I started school. Exams start next week. You got the cards I sent you at the hospital?"

"Yeah..." Emily trailed off.

"So when are you coming back?" Hana asked.

"I don't know. My parents have been arguing about taking me out of school. They wanna move all of us to this other place".

"But why?" Hana asked, shocked.

"I don't know...the gang, other stuff," Emily sighed. "The truth is, I wouldn't mind leaving this place behind either. Start anew".

"Oh..." Hana said a little sadly at the thought of her leaving. "Well have you heard from them? The gang?"

"No, not really. Jake's bloody pissed at them about that night. I think he's leaving the gang too".

Hana couldn't help feeling relieved at hearing this. She was glad Jake wasn't what Mike had said he would be.

"Well...call me before you leave town okay? Call me if you're coming back to school," Hana said. "Just call".

"Don't worry, I will," Emily assured her. "And Hana? Thanks for staying with me that night, alright? I was so scared".

Yeah, you almost died, Hana thought.

"You don't have to thank me for that," Hana laughed softly. "Well...thanks for being my friend".

"Ditto," Emily replied with a small laugh.

"Goodbye".

"Bye," Hana could hear the smile in Emily's voice. Then they both hung up.

Hana was glad she'd called.

* * *

Hana was at her desk that afternoon, studying for History. Well she was trying, but it was almost impossible with her nine-year-old brother and seven-year-old sister screaming their way around the house. Dad should pay me for babysitting these kids, she thought.

"Nick! Anna! Cut that out! I'm studying here!" she opened her bedroom door and shouted through at them. But Nick only stopped running after Anna to stick his tongue out at her. She narrowed her eyes at him angrily and he ran off again, screaming at Anna that there was a monster coming after him. Before she could get up off her chair to make Nick's exclamation come true however, the phone rang.

"Hello," Hana said somewhat irritatedly as she picked it up.

"Hana? It's Ephram".

"Oh!" Hana said in surprise. "What's up?"

"Well I'm kinda having a problem with memorising my History here," he began, just as Nick and Anna started howling together. "What's that?" he asked. "Sounds like the battle of the Red Indians".

"Yeah, two very bratty Red Indians," Hana snorted.

Ephram laughed. "Yeah, they'll grow up in a while to become smart-asses instead. Ow!" he suddenly exclaimed painfully. "I'm out with my sister Delia right now, actually".

"Oh, really?"

"Yeah, I told her I'd get her an ice-cream if she'd come with me to your house".

"My house?" she asked, surprised.

"Is that okay?" he asked quickly. "Sorry, that's why I'm calling you actually. I was wondering whether I could come over then we could test each other. Brought my notes".

"Sure, of course!" Hana said. "But what about my Red Indians?"

"Delia can keep them quiet. Right?" he asked her in the background. Then he laughed. "Alright, we'll be there in ten minutes".

"Okay, see ya," Hana hung up.

Ten minutes??? Hana ran for the mirror. Hair tied up? Check. No food stains whatsoever on shirt and pants? Check. Bra on? Check. Alright, she looked as awful as ever.

She went out to the living room and squealed at the mess her siblings had made. It looked like some kind of war zone. There were train tracks scattered all over the carpet along with accompanying derailed trains and various other pieces of plastic. In one corner of the room, Nick was crouching behind a pile of blocks. Suddenly, Anna jumped out from behind a couch and began "shooting" at Hana with a plastic machine gun (the kind that made a lot of noise).

"What are you doing in our fort?" Nick stood up and demanded in what was supposed to be a deep booming voice.

"Yeah!" Anna shouted, the tiara teetering on top of her head looking oddly out of place.

Hana sighed. "Alright guys. My friend Ephram's coming over here and we are going to study, okay? Could you guys at least _try_ to play a little softer?"

Nick and Anna just stared at her in silence.

"I'll give you a pack of Oreos if you do. And I'll play your favourite Finding Nemo video," Hana bargained. Nick and Anna turned to look at each other.

"Okay," Nick nodded and grinned. Sometimes blackmail was the only way.

* * *

"Hey," Hana greeted as she opened the door. Ephram stood in his usual baggy jeans and a blue T-shirt. His sister who looked no more than eleven had big brown eyes and long, straight brown hair topped with a baseball cap.

"Come in," she said and they walked in. Anna and Nick sat in the now-clean living room eating Oreo cookies and watching Finding Nemo.

"I see you've got them to surrender," Ephram smiled.

"Yeah, Mafia tactics," she replied with a grin. "Sorry Delia, I hope they don't bug you too much or anything". Nick turned around to look at her as she said this, cookie in his mouth.

"What," she said and he turned his attention back to the tv screen, chewing on his cookie.

She showed Ephram the way to the study room and left him there for a moment.

"You want a drink? I could make some popcorn," Hana asked Delia.

She nodded. "Okay".

Hana led her to the kitchen and opened the fridge. "Okay, what would you like? I've got...orange juice, iced tea aaaaand...no this isn't drinkable..." Hana held up the bottle filled with lumpy green slime and wrinkled her nose. Dad's foot soak. Delia laughed.

"You're pretty," she said after a moment. What?

Hana laughed, somehow finding what she'd said hysterically funny. "That's nice of you, but I know what I am".

"But you are. You have nice eyes," Delia said in precocious eleven-year-old frankness. She climbed atop the stool next to the counter and kneeled on it, resting her elbows on top of the counter. She examined the items on it.

"Dad taught me what riboflavin is," she chirped.

"Did he? Cool," Hana smiled. She took out the pack of microwaveable popcorn from the top shelf.

"Yeap. It's a vitamin that helps you grow," she said.

"You're smart," Hana said to her and smiled.


	17. Holocaust

Whoop dee doo...first of all fellas, I'd like to mention that I've er, changed Homecoming to Prom. Sorry about that glitch.  
  
Here goes!

* * *

Why oh why did this always happen? Stomach ache right before entering the examination hall. Great.  
  
I took a few deep breaths with my eyes closed and willed my stomach ache to disappear. It was like an avalanche of rocks pounding in my bowel. I tried a few grounding techniques to calm myself.  
  
_Okay...imagine roots growing out from your feet digging deeeeep into the g--_  
  
"Are you okay?" his voice broke through my thoughts. My eyes snapped wide open.  
  
"Y-yeah..." I smiled nervously, slightly embarrassed.  
  
"Relax Hana, you're gonna ace this. You know your facts better than I do," Ephram laughed. I smiled not-so-consoledly and tried to shake off the bad vibes.  
  
"No, _we're_ gonna ace this. Right?" I looked him in the eye.  
  
He smiled. "Yeah," he nodded. I felt better already.  
  
The door to the examination hall opened just then and a teacher poked her head out. "Ready or not, you guys can come in now," she said with a smile that told of many other batches before us going through the same thing, with probably the same set of expressions as we did right then. Looking around earlier, those expressions had varied from the intensely worried to the intensely bored. And mine? Mine was probably bordering on the intensely worried end.  
  
All my high hopes were going to be marked by this single chain of events. Sitting for my papers. Oh hell, I knew I probably didn't even deserve to do that well, but old dreams die hard.  
  
Funnily enough though, the thought of leaving Everwood just didn't strike the same chord in me as it used to.  
  
"See you on the other side," Ephram joked as we entered the hall and split up to our own seats.  
  
See you on the other side indeed.

* * *

Miraculously, all students survived the holocaust that was the final exams. Many times some had wanted to break down and bash their heads repeatedly against random walls screaming, _"Kill me now! Kill me now!"_ but now, all that was over and peace was once again restored to the high school. Kind of like a quiet countryside after a tornado had finished ripping through it, actually.  
  
What was now uppermost on everyone's mind was Promenade. Finally, an outlet for the stress of the past few weeks, and something that everyone had secretly been planning for for a long time, but didn't want to admit to for fear of losing their cool-factors.  
  
Well. Almost everyone.

* * *

"Bumped into Amy earlier today. She asked me if I was going to the Prom," Ephram admitted nonchalantly as we sat at a table outdoors eating ice-cream.  
  
"Ah," I acknowledged interestedly between spoonfuls. "So what did you say?"  
  
He shrugged carelessly. "I said I didn't know. She's going with Colin, of course. Bright's gonna drive all of them in this Winnebago he just rented".  
  
I widened my eyes in realisation. "Ohh..._that_ thing. Yeah, it was kinda hard not to notice when he drove in this morning".  
  
Then he remained silent. I knew there was something simmering at the back of his mind that he wasn't saying.  
  
"What," I prodded knowingly. "I know you're thinking something".  
  
He turned his attention away from the cup of ice-cream in his hands to look at me. "Are you planning on going?" he asked, frowning slightly.  
  
What was this all about? "Well I don't know...should I?"  
  
"Cuz I just was thinking..." he drifted off slightly. "Well...I was thinking maybe we could go. Together. Well just as friends, you know? It would make a nice ending for the year". He looked at me now, hoping I'd caught his meaning.  
  
I laughed, flabbergasted. "But it's this Saturday! What about your suit? Or a dress for me?"  
  
"Well I could just borrow one of my dad's old ones or rent something," he figured out right then. "So how about it? You think you could?"  
  
I slowed down my whirling thoughts for a moment to think through clearly. "I guess so...yeah. I could figure something out".  
  
"So we're going?"  
  
I thought about it for a moment. Oh what the hell. Going to prom with Ephram? What was there to think about? I'd make a fashionable dress out of burlap if I had to.

Well hopefully I didn't.

"Yeah," I nodded, smiling certainly now. "I guess we are".  
  
"Cool," he smiled back, and we continued eating our ice-cream in comfortable silence. 

* * *

I couldn't believe Delia had called me pretty. I stood in front of the mirror, trying to figure out the exact angle at which I could look even remotely so. I lifted my chin. Nope. Tilted my head to the right. Nope. The left?  
  
"What on earth are you doing Hana?"  
  
I whipped myself around in shock and saw my dad standing at the door. "DAD! Can't you knock?" I exclaimed embarrassedly.  
  
"But the door was open," he simply said. He walked in and sat down at the edge of my bed as I looked at him and simmered with anger. "I just wanted to talk to you". He patted the space on the bed beside him, asking me to sit down. I did so, grudgingly.  
  
He waited a few moments before he spoke. "I just wanted to say I'm sorry for being away all the time. I know it wasn't completely your fault what you did...with the gang," he began. I just sat down in silence, listening to his words yet not looking at him. "You've been in charge of alot of things at home, and I admit you take on far too much responsibility than you should right now. And for what it's worth, I'm sorry for that". I felt his warm hand on my head. A lump grew in my throat.  
  
"No, don't cry! Don't cry!" I told myself silently.  
  
"I know I've neglected all of you and I want to start making up for it," he continued. "So guess what? I got tickets for us to the carnival this Saturday". I looked up in shock at this, and saw that he was smiling. But it soon faded when he saw my expression.  
  
"But...this Saturday's the prom," I told him slowly and meaningfully. He took this in for a few moments.  
  
"Well that's alright," he decided. "We'll go on Sunday instead. How about that?"  
  
"But what about the tickets?" I asked.  
  
"Bah," he shrugged off with a careless swat of his hand. "I'll just get some more!"  
  
At this, I threw my arms around him in a hug. "Thanks Dad," I said, knowing with certainty that he was really trying his best with all of us.  
  
"Anything else you wanna tell me, squirt?" he laughed. I smiled. It'd been a long time since he'd last called me that.  
  
"No," I pulled away and looked at him. "Just a question. Do you think I could turn pretty for the prom?" I smiled.  
  
Dad guffawed amusedly at this. "No...because you're already pretty, silly". Ah well.


	18. ReadyMaking

Firstly, I'd like to say that this is the longest story I've ever written without completely giving up :D.

auggy1984-- Thanks as usual :)

Moonlight Sonata k29-- Ah...hope you're reading this then.

beama-- This chapter is gonna be my fan service to you :D.

colorado-- Update!

* * *

The week flew by like it never happened. Friday came and went, and before everyone knew it, it was the day of the Prom.  
  
Hana, helter-skelter, had managed to find a dress just in time. Her father had helped her find it. In fact, he was more involved in her Prom than she could ever have expected. The dress was an old cocktail dress of her mother's, and Hana had been simply amazed by how beautiful it was. The most formal clothing she had ever seen her mother in had been knee-length dresses; and that was only for special family occasions.  
  
"Your mother wore this only once years ago for a very formal dinner-and-dance that was held by the company I work for, before any of you were ever born," Hana's father had explained with a nostalgic smile. "She was the most beautiful woman there that night, and I was so proud to be by her side".  
  
Hana had simply studied her father as he had muttered this, holding the dress in his hands as if he could see a tapestry of long-gone memories playing on the silky dark blue fabric. For a moment then, she could imagine her parents as a young couple; the pair of them dancing carefree and lost in their own world on the dancefloor, their happiness making heads turn to look at them.  
  
And now, now her mother's dress was hers, looking like it hadn't aged a year. Hana studied her reflection in the mirror and was taken away by how different she looked simply by having put it on. The dress accentuated curves on her that she'd never really been aware of before, and its hem swept in fine layers around her ankles like a dark blue waterfall.  
  
"Wow," she whispered softly, amazed.  
  
But she was still far from ready.  
  
"Dad?" she called out and stepped out of her bedroom. He appeared from the living room and froze for a moment when he saw her, stunned.  
  
"Squirt, you grew up on me," he joked a little sadly. Hana smiled sheepishly.  
  
"Dad, I don't know what to do with my hair," she helplessly admitted. At this, her father simply smiled and walked over, a secret gleam in his eye.  
  
"Luckily I have a few tricks up my sleeve from helping your Mom".

* * *

By seven that evening, Hana was all made-up and ready to go. Her father was waiting with her by the stairs for her date to arrive. He stood apart from her and looked at her proudly, seeing her in a new light. His daughter was all grown up now. He must have missed it because he couldn't remember when it had begun to happen.  
  
Hana smiled at her father, feeling slightly embarrassed by the look he was giving her. It almost looked like her grandmother's every time she greeted her with a crushing hug.

"Thanks Dad," she finally said with a smile that said more than her words ever could. He had done a wonderful job with her hair; pinning it up in a twist so that a few curled strands dangled on either side of her face. She felt magically transformed, and the most unbelievable and astounding thing was that her father was her Fairy Godmother.  
  
Just then, the sound of a car hummed up their driveway outside.  
  
"Your coach is here," her father said with a wry smile. Without waiting for the doorbell to be rung, he opened the door to greet whoever it was. Hana rushed after him slightly bewilderedly. She stepped out to the cool evening air, and saw Ephram and a man walking up the driveway to their house. She smiled excitedly at Ephram who looked rather embarrassed.  
  
"Hello, sorry if I'm barging in a little here, but I couldn't trust Ephram with the car. See...he's a lousy driver," Dr Brown explained with a laugh, his brown eyes twinkling even in the dim light. Hana didn't miss the mortified look that appeared on Ephram's face at his words. She bit back a laugh.  
  
"It's alright Dr Brown," Hana replied rather amusedly. At this, Hana's father's ears perked up.  
  
"So you're the famous Dr Brown," he said, pleasantly surprised, and extended his hand in greeting. "Hana forgot to mention that," he continued, and turned around to give her a look. Hana innocently raised her eyebrows and shrugged. Dr Brown laughed pleasantly.  
  
"Nice to meet you Mr..."  
  
"Parker," Hana's father offered. Dr Brown acknowledged this with a nod and smile and they shook hands. "I've been meaning to introduce myself," Hana's father said honestly, "but I haven't found the time. I've heard alot about what you've been doing for this town, and it's a great thing".  
  
"Thank you," Dr Brown replied with a humble smile.  
  
"Ahem," Ephram cleared his throat behind his father and gave him a meaningful, impatient look.  
  
"Well...guess I better send the kids off before they decide to murder their chauffeur," Dr Brown laughed. "It was nice meeting you".  
  
"It was nice meeting you too," Hana's father smiled sincerely. Dr Brown and Ephram made their way to the car as Hana's father hugged her and gave her a brief lecture about taking care of herself and not coming home too late.  
  
"Bye," she called out to her father when he had finally let her go and she walked towards the car where Ephram was waiting anxiously. He wore a dark suit with a maroon shirt inside it together with a green tie.  
  
"You look nice," she complimented with a teasing smile.  
  
"You don't look so bad yourself," Ephram teased back. In actuality, he was completely taken away by how amazing she looked right then. That couldn't be the same Hana he knew, could it? Her eyes sparkled with a happy, confident glow- something that didn't happen quite as often as it should.  
  
"Oh," Ephram suddenly remembered. "I didn't know what colour your dress was going to be but luckily I got you the right corsage," he said, turning around and fishing through the car's back seat. He turned back around to face her with a corsage of dark blue flowers in his hand, its petals dotted with tiny dew-like crystals. "Blue's your favourite colour right?" he asked hopefully.  
  
Hana was surprised that he knew and even more overwhelmed that he remembered. She nodded mutedly. "It's beautiful," she whispered.  
  
"Here, I'll help you put it on," he offered and before Hana knew it, he was busy pinning it onto her dress by her left shoulder-blade. Ephram was wearing cologne, and the smell entered her nostrils headily. She was so close to him, and it only agonized her, knowing that he didn't feel the same way as she did about him. She prayed that he wouldn't be able to feel her heart slamming like a jack-hammer against her chest. She willed her breathing to remain calm.  
  
Finally, he was done. He pulled away and smiled at her, a smidgen of something indiscernible (was it uncertainty?) burning in his eyes. What was he thinking?  
  
"Let's get in the car," he cleared his throat, breaking their gaze. Hana snapped out of the thoughts that threatened to suffocate her and nodded unneccessarily as he stepped aside for her to enter first.  
  
Soon, they were off to the Prom.


	19. Promenade

 whoopiepiez-- Heh, thanks! 

auggy1984-- Yep, they're going to the prom together :). Let's see what happens.

colorado2-- (Blushes) Glad you liked the father/daughter bonding!

* * *

Dr Brown slowed down and stopped the car at the school gates where Ephram and Hana got out.

"Have fun, and don't be home too late," he smiled and winked at Ephram before driving off. Ephram helplessly tried to ignore him as Hana attempted to hold back a grin and failed. The entire drive had been so much fun for her, with Ephram only getting more and more mortified as Dr Brown spilled tidbit after tidbit of embarrassing stories about him.

"Aww Ephram, don't worry about it," Hana laughed now, trying to console him. "Your dad's really nice".

"Yeah really nice at humiliating me," Ephram said sarcastically. But this only made Hana laugh more. She stopped however, seeing the sullen look on his face. Their schoolmates were pouring through the gates, and Hana recognised some people from her classes. How different everybody looked tonight.

"Come on," she said containing a shiver of excitement and linked her arm through Ephram's. "Let's go in". But Ephram still didn't look quite cheered up yet. She poked him in the side and he jumped, startled.

"Ticklish eh? Well if you don't cheer up right now, I'm gonna tickle you to death," she said with an evil smile.

Ephram burst into a grin. "Yes Your Highness," he laughed and they slowly poured their way in with the rest of the suits and dresses.

* * *

You're gonna have have a good time tonight, Ephram told himself as Hana and him entered the school auditorium. The committee had done a great job with decorating by the looks of it. A myriad of colours swam around on the dance floor, and fast-tempoed music blasted through the several speakers that stood around the room. Some people were already dancing and laughing on the dance floor.

He turned to look at Hana and saw a big smile on her face, the coloured lights throwing dim reflections on her skin. They made her look otherwordly. A happy, otherwordly creature hanging onto his arm. He had always thought she was pretty even underneath her usual baggy clothes and glasses, but right then she literally glowed. She looked like she was on the verge of some adventure, like a kid who'd just made a stop to Disneyland.

Hana must've felt him looking at her for she turned around. "What?" she asked, a grin still on her face. Ephram shook his head.

"Nothing," he replied with a laugh.

But as they walked on, he slowly began to feel bad. Hana didn't know it, but the real reason why he had wanted to come here tonight was to see Amy again. Maybe he would have his chance to talk to her. His eyes scanned the faces of the many people around the room as they walked, and then finally, he spotted her.

She looked as beautiful as ever, her long blonde hair loose and clipped up at the side simply, sitting down at a table across the hall from him. Ephram saw Colin bend over to her and say something in her ear. She nodded and smiled, and he got up, heading towards the drinks.

"Heeey...Earth to Ephram..." he suddenly heard Hana say. He turned to look at her, startled.

"You wanna sit down or what?" she asked him, laughter sparkling in her brown eyes.

"Yeah," he snapped himself out of his thoughts and hastily pulled out a chair for her.

"Thank you," she chirped and sat down. When she was settled, he pulled out a chair for himself beside her. He studied Hana for a moment when she wasn't looking, still not completely over how different she looked. The dew-crystals on the corsage he had pinned onto her earlier glittered merrily and he wondered why his pulse had begun to quicken.

"Torn?" he heard somebody ask beside him. He whipped his head around.

"Yeah..." the girl at their table sniffed disconsolately, holding up the bottom of her dress where there was a slight rip. Her date, most probably her boyfriend, kissed her on the cheek affectionately.

"Ah don't worry about that, it's a small one," he consoled her. "No one will notice when they take a look at you anyway".

Ephram turned himself away, a slight frown on his features.

* * *

This must be the best night of my entire life, Hana thought. Everything was so perfect, like something out of a dream. She felt beautiful and free, and Ephram was her date. Well, she would let herself believe that for the moment even though he'd said they were only here as friends. It completed the perfectness of everything.

She'd never smiled or laughed so much in one night. Guys had come to her to ask her to dance! At first, she turned them down, because she'd never danced in public before and felt awkward about it. But with a little pushing from Ephram, she'd said a reluctant, unsure 'yes', and before she knew it, she had been whisked away to the dance floor and was now dancing with partner after partner, most of whom couldn't believe that she was the same geeky Hana from their classes. She'd tried to pull Ephram along with her but he'd shook his head and laughed, and was now sitting down stubbornly at their table. She couldn't help sneaking glances over at him now and then as she danced. He looked lost in thought. There it was on his face, that look again; the same one he'd given her just before they'd entered the car. Something was 'off' with him tonight.

And then suddenly, she realised. He wasn't lost in thought, he was staring at something. Hana turned to see what it was, and she wasn't surprised to find that it was a someone- Amy, content in her own happiness with Colin. Hana sighed a breath of bitter disappointment. Why couldn't Ephram just move on instead of moping about her? Then again she might as well ask herself why she couldn't just move on from Ephram and be content in them being just friends.

"Hey, I'm feeling a little dizzy so I'm just gonna go sit down for a while," she excused herself from her current dance partner, Shah from Science class.

"Oh sure," he nodded and eyed her concernedly. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah," she nodded earnestly. "Just need to take a breather". She pushed her way through the dancing bodies and walked out of the auditorium unnoticed. Why did she feel so betrayed? She had known all along that Ephram would never think of her as more than a friend, didn't she?

But this night, all that she'd done with herself, to herself, had been for him.

Oh, don't be silly Hana, she told herself as she walked ahead with blurry unseeing eyes. She'd known from the very beginning that Ephram's heart was for Amy. Hana relievedly found a small secluded spot by the stairs. She sat down in the corner and tried not to cry.


	20. Cry

Wow...20 chapters. Lol, perhaps I've been updating too quickly. Ah well, the thing with me is if I stop updating, I really STOP...but when I'm on a roll, this is what happens. Guess I've missed out on a couple more reviews that way, but hey it's about the story right ;)? 

Anyway, guess what? This is the last chappie. Indeed. Thanks to all of you who've been following up with this fic, and by God, it's the longest-running one I've ever written (I'm more of a short-story kinda person). Hahah. Thanks all of you! It's been real fun!

And oh yes, before we go on to the story, my usual thanks to those who last reviewed:

auggy1984-- Yeah, it sucked indeed. Lol.

whoopiepiez-- :) Aren't most males clueless? (Hahah, kidding kidding)

beama-- Yep, Hana's Mom died. Sorry if I didn't make that too clear, but I mentioned it in Chapter 4 (Ignorance is bliss) :p. Let's see what Ephram does.

colorado2-- Well, I hope you're satisfied with this ending. Hope you all are!

* * *

Hana sat on those steps in the dark for a long time, not knowing how much time had passed. She wondered if Ephram was looking for her. She wondered if he was still staring at Amy. What was holding him back, she wondered. Why couldn't he just go over to her and say whatever it was he needed to say?

It was then that Hana decided. If she couldn't have him, the least she could do was help him as his friend. She would make them talk.

She took a few deep breaths and released them. Thankfully, she hadn't cried too much. Boy, that would've made for a lot of trouble for her, trying to cover up the mess she would've made to her face. Getting up to her feet, she brushed off the back of her dress and took her time walking back to the auditorium. Once she got there, the music slammed into her senses. She slowly made her way past the rows of white-clothed tables, until she finally reached theirs. But Ephram wasn't in his seat. Suddenly, she felt a hand on her shoulder and she spun around. It was him.

"Where have you been?" Ephram asked with furrowed brows, his voice worried. "I've been looking for you all over".

So he _had_ noticed she was gone. Hana forced a small smile, concealing her true feelings. "I just stepped out for some air".

"Oh". Ephram studied her concernedly. "You okay?"

"Yeah," she nodded. She swallowed the stubborn lump that tried to rise in her throat and turned her face away from him.

"Come on, let's dance!" she exclaimed brightly over the music, pretending, and pulled him along, disregarding whether he liked it or not.

But just as they reached the dance floor, the fast song that was playing ended and a slow one started. The two of them looked at each other uncertainly for a moment, lost, then Ephram shrugged his shoulders carelessly and laughed. He pulled her closer and took her hand, placing it over his shoulder. Hana gulped as he put his other arm around her waist.

"S-sorry," she stammered nervously.

"Sorry?" he asked her softly, not understanding.

"Yeah...I've never slow-danced before, so sorry if I'm terrible at this," she confessed with an embarrassed smile.

"It's okay...neither have I," he admitted with a laugh. Hana broke into a grin at this, feeling a little better, but not much.

As they continued to move with the music with the rest of the people on the dance floor, Hana began to relax. Against her own inner turmoil, she sighed and rested her head against his shoulder, wondering why of all people, he had to be the one she'd had to fall for. She felt so safe in his arms, his warmth like a cradle enveloping her.

_"Never thought you knew me_

_Never thought of you with me_

_Always fighting in the dark before_

_Never got to tell you_

_I don't know what I mean to you_

_No need to explain anymore"_

For a moment then, buoyed by the music, she could let herself believe that he felt the same way about her as she did about him. She closed her eyes as they moved their feet to the melodies, letting them wash over her.

_"But I'd cry_

_I would die if I lost you_

_I'd cry..."_

She couldn't help it. The music, everything, was getting to her. Tears squeezed out from beneath her tightly-closed lids and fell, staining onto his suit jacket. Hana was horrified, but all of a sudden she couldn't hold them back.

"Hana?" Ephram said, feeling her warm body tremble slightly against him. But she didn't look up. Well...perhaps it would be easier for him to say the words he wanted to tell her this way.

"Hana...I have a confession to make..." he whispered into her ear and stopped, nervous. Hana still didn't respond. _Tell her you coward_, he pushed himself on. "The reason why I'd wanted to come tonight was...was so that I could see Amy again. I don't know..." he laughed bitterly at himself. "I guess I thought tonight would somehow magically change things. That Amy would finally see me". He sighed and breathed in the scent of Hana's hair as comfort, wondering if she'd noticed.

"But the thing is," he continued slowly, "I realised just now that I've been really dumb. I've been so busy trying to catch the attention of someone who doesn't even care that I exist that I haven't noticed something that's been staring at me in the face".

What was he trying to say? Hana wondered. She refused to look up at him for fear that he would see her tears.

"I guess...what I'm trying to say is..." he drifted off again. "Hana will you please look up?" Ephram pleaded and tilted her chin up towards him. Hana winced and tried to turn away but it was too late. He'd already seen the tears on her face. "What's wrong?" he asked, shocked.

"I'm sorry...I'm really trying my best to be your friend, Ephram, but I just can't do it. I can't," Hana exclaimed, dismayed that he had caught her out. She pulled herself away from him, stepping back.

"I can't because...because I love you," she confessed, not believing what she'd just said. But there. She'd said it. And now her whole world would crumble. Ephram was stunned. Horrified, she turned away to leave with what was left of her dignity, but just then, she felt his hand pull on her arm, not letting her go.

"Stop," she heard him say. "Hear me out, Hana," he swallowed. She took a deep breath and turned herself around to face him defeatedly. What could he possibly have to say?

"I wanted to tell you that it's not Amy I care about anymore, Hana. It's you". He came in closer, willing for her to listen. "All this while, you've been the one that truly cares about me, not her," he implored, his green eyes burning with intensity. "Amy's not real, Hana, you are".

Hana's breath caught with shock. She'd never expected in a million years that this was what Ephram had wanted to say. "You're telling me...that you're choosing me over Amy?" she whispered. Ephram nodded solemnly and wiped the tears from her face with his fingers, not even caring that her make-up was smudged. In fact, it only made her seem more vulnerable and endearing.

Right then, Hana did something that she'd wanted to do for a long, long time. She leaned in towards Ephram, closed her eyes, and gave him a sweet lingering kiss on the lips. She was pleasantly surprised to find that it was better than she'd imagined it would be. And the most amazing thing was that he was kissing her back. Warm delicious tingles ran through her body to the tips of her toes. Hana laughed then, happy and relieved, and he pulled her tighter against him. They continued to dance, and this time, she didn't cry.

_"And you know you held me up _

_Held me to the sun when I was yours _

_And I know I let you down _

_Let you down the day that I was gone"_

Unbeknownst to them, Amy witnessed all this, and she smiled at them over Colin's shoulder as he held her. She was glad that finally, everyone had gotten their happy ending.

* * *

Hana sat down at Ephram's desk, reading the very essay that had been the catalyst that had brought them together in the first place. She hadn't realised that there had been more that she hadn't gotten to read when Mrs Hemingway had interrupted her.

My Fatal Flaw continued:

"It probably won't work out that way, though, since things will keep changing. That's one thing I know a lot about: whether you like it or not, stuff keeps happening all the time. And not always for the better. Usually not, it seems. But maybe it gets easier.

Hopefully that first change doesn't hurt too much, it doesn't kill you, you don't lose any limbs or an eye -- or a friend. Then you figure you can do it again. It's like when you have to move something really heavy, like a couch, or a car that ran out of gas. You can hardly budge it at first, but once it finally starts to move, it gets a lot easier to push the rest of the way. As long as you don't stop pushing. So I guess you can keep changing... a little at a time, once you get started. You sort of have to, because if you don't -- if you stop and freeze up again -- then you still have that same flaw you started with after all. So you just have to take a chance. Push yourself. Take that first step outside the box and hope it's not too horrible.

And enough small changes can eventually add up, until finally you really are different. Even enough for other people to notice, not just you. That probably has something to do with growing up".

That pretty much summed up Hana's entire past year. "Hey".

Hana looked up as she heard Ephram's voice, and saw him poke his head out over the edge of the doorway to look at her, green eyes twinkling.

"Ready to go?" he asked her with a smile. He was already wearing his jacket for their ice-skating expedition at the frozen lake.

"Yeah," Hana replied and got up from the chair. She kissed him on the lips and grinned, looking into his eyes. "Let's go".

She couldn't wait to see what Senior year would hold for them, but right now, they were going to have the best time of their lives.

The End.

_Lyrics from Cry by Alex Parks._


End file.
